Lately, I have been thinking a lot about having babies, like this thought keeps popping up over and over again. But the career path that I am planning to embark on will probably lead to me being an older mom. How do I know if I’m making the right choice, and how can I find out more before getting committed to one path or another? I am in my mid-twenties.
I need perspective on this, being a woman in an urban setting, college educated, and hoping for more education and life experience before having kids. None of my peers or close friends are even married, though many of them have settled down, but none of them want kids any time soon, so it’s hard to discuss this with them.
Career-wise, my goals involve it will involve a long, committed training program that will make kids impossible for at least a few years. The truth is, though, I would love to meet someone and have kids within the next few years. If I feel this way now, what are the chances that at 35, I’ll really regret not starting a family, even if it requires dialing down the career goals?
You can start a family when you’re 35. 35 isn’t 100. You’re not going to be some wrinkled hormonally-depleted dried up old hag with dead eggs falling out of your body with every step. I know a lot of people who had their first kid at 35. I know people who were even older than the ancient, ancient age of 35 when they had their first child. I’m not at all defensive because I’m over 35 and you’re acting like 35 is when your life comes to a screeching halt. I’ll have you know, I went out dancing the other night. It was 80s night, and the young people were all there dancing ironically and my friend and I were dancing for real, but whatever. I was still dancing. And out.
Stop thinking about babies. They smell good and sometimes they come running at you full speed ahead just to smash their faces into you for a super kiss and scream, “I YOVE YOU!” which is nice. But they also refuse to wear pants in the middle of winter when you’re late for a pediatrician appointment. Sometimes they poop on things, or in things, or under things. They don’t care what time it is–they want a cup of water, and they want it now.
Focus on your career. Go to school, do your training program, have some fun. Chill the f out. Meet someone cool and nice, and develop a nice relationship, and go on some cool trips together, and sleep in on Saturdays. Then have some kids as soon as you’re in a good spot with school and work. You can have a great career and kids, you know. You can even have kids on your own. You can work and your partner can stay home with the kids, or you can both work and send them to daycare, which your mom will probably judge, but it’s none of her business, or anyone’s business, how you decide to raise your family.
Just relax and enjoy yourself. Work hard at doing something you love. For Christ’s sake, just settle down. Or find someone with kids who will let you spend a weekend with them alone, and I bet you change your mind reeeeeaaallllllll fast.