How do I get my wife to pay attention to me?

My wife pays no attention to me. She goes to work, comes home, plays with the kids, puts them to bed, takes a shower, then watches her TV shows, then goes to bed. I feel like I’m her assistant, or her roommate. I feel so angry and resentful that I worry our relationship won’t be able to recover.What can I do to get her to spend time with me?

Join a biker gang. Grow a strange-shaped beard, wear a bandanna over your hair, get some tats, and start wearing leather pants. When she’s zonked out in front of John and Kate Plus 8, put on your gear, grab your brain bucket with flames painted on the side, and say, “Bye, honey, I’m going cane it on the big slab with the guys. See you later.” (Who knew bikers had such fun lingo!?)

She will, at the very least, take notice of you. As my four-year-old can tell you, getting negative attention is better than getting no attention at all, and acting like a jackass maniac is a great way to do it. She probably won’t be too psyched about your new nocturnal activities and will strongly urge you to quit the biker gang. Tell her you’ll stop as long as she starts hanging out with you again.

One other possibility is that she doesn’t want to hang out with you because she doesn’t like you and doesn’t like spending time with you. In this case, get marriage counseling.

See also: http://tochea.com/2009/08/17/his-wife-wont-pay-attention-to-him-either-i-wonder-why/, or http://wp.me/puM8T-bw.

And see this, too: http://tochea.com/2010/11/17/my-wife-doesnt-pay-attention-to-me-for-the-third-time-holy-moly/

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21 Comments

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21 responses to “How do I get my wife to pay attention to me?

  1. assistingu1st

    Maybe the wife is a little overwhelmed. I know that when I was working a full-time job and came home from work I had to cook and deal with the kids. I was tired and it was all I could do but sit in front of the TV and zonk out. I loved my hubby, but hell I was tired. You know wives number one complaint is that hubbys don’t help around the house. Telling her you will do the dishes will definitely get her attention :).

    • Difr'nt Situation

      Ok, substitute the kids (neither of us have or will) for dogs and cats, 2 each. We are both in our 40′s, been married 5 years, and she will have nothing to do with me. Forget sex, I’m talking about flirting, playing, grabbing…. NOTHING! Is she skating along with me just coasting along?

    • William

      fuck that !!!! I do th dishes all the time!!! I do laundry, pick up after her change the oil in her car. I also get up @ 4:30 or 5 and work all day!!! She gets up when ever to go to a job that doesnt start till 10am

  2. Pingback: His wife won’t pay attention to him, either. I wonder why. « To Chea

  3. Chea

    It kind of sounds like she’s coasting along. Don’t you want to know why? Have you ever thought of asking her? Start a nice, loving conversation in a non-confrontational way, and tell her how much you want to connect with her. Women like that. Hell, all people like that. If she’s like, “I don’t know, whatever, what are you talking about,” then maybe you should just tell her you’re feeling neglected and that you’d like to go see a counselor. If she won’t do that, maybe get some books about improving your marriage and see if she’ll read them with you. If she won’t do that either, maybe you should think about why you want to be married to someone who doesn’t want to work on your marriage.

  4. Pingback: His wife doesn’t pay attention to him…it’s an epidemic, apparently. « To Chea

  5. Sam

    All that is interesting about kids, work etc. We are from the UK and I got a job opportunity in India which I took up. The life domestically included a cook, a driver, a cleaner and also we had a maid so my wife did not have to do anything around the house. – But she still does not pay me any attention – how does that work out?

    Taken recently to going out with friends more and doing my own thing – probably not the best thing in the world but at least i feel happier.

  6. Anonymous

    Im in the same boat. My wife doesn’t pay attention to me anymore.

  7. Anonymous

    Got my hopes up after a marriage seminar…thought she’d start calling me while I am out of town. Nada. When I say something she complains about being too busy. Gets to the point where I want to revert to the teenager in me and just totally ignore her and show her I can do without her (yes, in a nice way). But you know what, I do not think anything will change.

  8. Anonymous

    Same Boat here, I have a contracting business, my wife works part time. I wake the kids, make lunches, help with grocery shopping meals, home repair and maint., art in spare time, she pays more attention to our dog than me. We are a blended family so that has been an additional stress… things have been this way for the last 5 or 6 years I guess, intimacy is fantastic but I initiate 100% of the time. I would be happy with a garden variety “hello” when she gets home. The only patterns we can change are our own, but I continue to “hope” we will become closer….

    • Anonymous

      Annonymous, I am living the same life of frustration as you are. Intimacy is fantastic whenever she decides that she wants it to happen. I always have to initiate though. I’m really getting tired of this lifestyle though.

  9. Bored of my wife's indifference

    I’m in a similar boat also. My wife seems to care more about texting with her friends than talking to me. she is a stay at home mom that spends all day with her friends while I’m at work. I’ve tried to engage her about how i feel and she will just roll her eyes, and ignore me. The funny thing is that i have tattoos i work out like hell eat right and I’m damn good looking. (sorry for sounding like a dick, but its true). i live an interesting life and try to share it with the woman i love, but she just doesn’t seem to be interested in anything in my life. The only thing that i can talk about with her is her friends, working out, or her next marathon. I’m so ridiculously bored of these topics i want to kill myself. have no idea what todo.

  10. Kawal dattar

    my wife does’nt pay attention to me. i m thinking she is doing cheating on me. sometime i just think maybe she is slut.

  11. Anonymous

    Yip, I do dishes, laundry, vacume, clean the fridge… all of that shit. I even left my job, went to university and got more qualifications to get a better job, coach my kids sports teams, ask her how her day went and then listen to her boring stories, rub her shoulders, got rid of all my female friends ive had since before her (none of which i have ever wanted to sleep with), mow the lawns, paint the fence, pretend i am a handy man, walk the dog at 6am, keep fit, look after myself, play with the kids…… and i get “why haven’t you cooked tea tonight? if you want sex you will have to start pulling your weight arond here!” ….. I would go get a bit on the side but that would just mean i would have two bitches on my case.

  12. Dad

    im kinda in the same situation myself. Both my wife and i work seperate shifts and have five children together, we are landlords, parents and full time workers at the same time and barely have enough time for eachother anymore. But lately even though i hear she loves me so much as she puts it i just dont see the same affection anymore like i use to. I know its hard to ballance those things together but when you feel like your the only one trying anymore, and im not talking about just sex because if that were the issue i would have left thirteen years ago. but when your the only one who wheres the ring on your finger, leaves love notes in her work bag to find at work, sends flowers and remembers her birtday and our anniversary then yes you start to think, “does this person even like me anymore, let alone even want to put forth the effort, any effort of any type in this relationship or am i just hanging on to something that does not exist anymore.

  13. isaac

    Same here i look after her mum i tought that would help ,but dosen’t work and i have two kids i cooking run my own bussnices don’t know what to do.

  14. Modern Husband

    What’s interesting to me is when you do a search about wives not paying attention to husbands you get hardly anything. There is planty out there for wives who’s husbands don’t pay attention to them. Somehow either there is a reciprical problem and men are just more inclined to give up which upsets the wife and it just continues to go down hill, or the pendulum has made it to the other side and husbands are supposed to be the obedient spouse, contributing to housework and waiting for attention.

  15. Anonymous

    ditto on all of the above…tired of trying. Feel like i throw myself at her, clean house, do dishes,fix shit. And the only time she looks at me is when she is bitching. Yeah forget sex, i gave up on that shit. But yet i get asked can you rub my feet? My back? My neck? …the last person to rub me was my chiropracter when i pulled some muscles in my back building a 35 x 18 ft deck for her…by myself 4 yrs ago….whatever.

  16. msmorninglory

    You all seem to choose wives that need men who do things for them so they feel worthy. You chose these women because you need to do things for someone to feel worthy yourselves. It is not by accident that you are attracted to these women, or they to you. But at the bottom of the attraction is not love for the other, rather patching up a deep sense of worthlessness unless – you do a lot of things for others, someone does a lot of stuff for me. You are using each other to validate oneself as a worthy person according to a noxious pattern you learned as kids, when you werent loved just by being you. Perfectly valid reason to feel mutually attracted, once upon a time, but its fundamentally flawed premise, as far as loving each other goes, shows with time. You need to accept that you met your match for an area of deep vulnerability, and that is ok, and you used each other to patch that vulnerability, and that is ok too, and now the signs are there to say, accept this and move on to start seeing, and then loving, the other. For who they are, and for all these years hanging in there patching ones bad sense of worthiness.

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