Here’s a comment I received in response to the post http://tochea.com/2009/10/14/i-want-my-husband-to-stop-drinking-because-im-pregnant/ . (Normally, I don’t approve of extraneous punctuation marks and excessive acronyms, but I feel like they add a little certain something here so I didn’t edit them out.)
Okay wtf??? How is she mean??? I’m in the same shoes….oh yeah he is drinking because he is nervous, or mmm maybe because he has a lot on his shoulders….uhhh what about the PREGNANT female that gets stretchmarks and huge, and has to actually push out the baby? I think it’s unfair for him to continue to drink….I mean a beer here and there is one thing—-going out with his buddies every weekend—-omg totally different! It’s unfair and if he doesn’t understand, or some of the females who try and act like the “cool” wives don’t understand…to each his own! I’M PISSED my boyfriend is out partying right now and I’m stuck in the house doing nothing with OUR 18 month old daughter!!! Why can’t he give up drinking like a frat boy just for a few months?? You’re giving up your body for the rest of your life…it’s never the same after the baby.
Listen, toots, I feel for you. To Chea is currently pregnant with my 47th child, and believe me, I’m well aware of the stretching and the crotch-hurting and the yakking and the pushing and the hugeness. I hear you.
But after having 46 other children, I dare say I have some perspective that you might not. For one thing, I’m 100% positive that your boyfriend staying home and watching Dirty Dancing with you tonight is not going to make your belly or your ass any smaller; it’s not going to make the heartburn any less burny; and it’s not going to magically enable you to dance on the bar in your cowboy boots and bikini top while you do tequila shots out of your best friend’s belly button.
I think these are your issues:
1.) You feel like you’ve sacrificed a lot for the child you already have, and you don’t think your boyfriend has done the same.
2.) You miss your old, fun, pre-kid life.
3.) You feel fat.
Let me fix these for you:
1.) Have a kind, calm discussion with your boyfriend. Tell him what you expect, give him some concrete tasks to do, and make some reasonable, specific requests. This will make life easier for both of you and you won’t be so resentful. I’m sure he loves you and wants to make you happy, and like most men, is just an idiot who can’t figure out for himself how to do that.
2.) That’s not coming back, so get over it. You can still have fun, but it’s going to be a different kind of fun. The “cool” wives are “cool” because they’re “cool” with the fact that a person can have fun and be a parent. This doesn’t mean you have to go out drinking or be fine with your boyfriend getting loaded every night of the week, but it does mean you have to let him blow off some steam and act like a regular guy once in a while. And make sure you give yourself some grown-up time together. Go bowling, or to the movies, or make dinner together after your daughter goes to bed. Have fun with him like you used to before you had a kid.
3. You’re not fat. You’re pregnant. Now go eat a brownie and stop bitching.