Should I read the sexy books?

Should I read the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy?  I know you’re a big reader and can only assume you’ve read them.  Thanks!

No. Don’t read it. Not only is it the worst writing you’ve ever read (it makes Twilight read like Gravity’s Rainbow) and not that interesting as far as dirty sexy writing is concerned, but it could prompt you to do the most terrible thing of all, which is share intimate sexual details with not only your close friends and family, but people you barely know.

For instance, I’ve had to go home and bleach my eardrums because one woman I’ve met exactly twice told me (in front of her husband, who I had only just met ten minutes before), while discussing the book casually, that she recently had her first orgasm in ten years. I didn’t want to know that.

I also had the pleasure of hearing someone who I just met that night tell me, in great detail, about how the book prompted her to have a series of what sounded like alarmingly uncomfortable sexual portraits professionally taken so she could rekindle the spark with her husband. I didn’t want to know that, either.

I’m not going to go into what my actual friends told me regarding their experiences after reading this book, because I’m currently suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder because of these conversations and my therapist has urged me not to discuss them outside of the safety zone of her office.

This is the real tragedy of the Fifty Shades books. Not the shitty writing; shitty writing has always been, and always will be, popular for one reason or another. It’s the sharing. So very much sharing. And the couch. Christian Grey has a couch in his special room, and while I was reading it, all I could think was, How are they going to sanitize that thing?

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One response to “Should I read the sexy books?

  1. Anonymous

    I have actually already read them all and couldn’t agree more. I posted the question just to see what you thought. :)

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