I drank a bunch of booze last night, and now I don’t feel good. Do I have swine flu?
I’m not a medical doctor so please don’t take everything I say totally seriously, but:
Yes. You have swine flu.
I find that booze cures everything from scurvy to brain tumors. It can even cure emotional problems! So if you drank a bunch of it and you feel naseuous, headachey, insanely thirsty, and the room is spinning a little bit, then you are definitely not hungover and you definitely have the swine flu. Go see your doctor immediately. Except on the way, stop at McDonald’s for a Super Size Filet-o-Fish meal with a sweet tea and an apple pie. Between that and some Tamiflu, you might start to feel better soon.