I’d like permission to meddle in other peoples’ happiness.

I have a terrific, intelligent, beautiful friend who is fun, interesting and just a genuinely good person. She’s also a complete wreck when it comes to relationships, like she’s just a different person altogether when it comes to men. Controlling, needy, overly-analytical, downright obsessive. I’ve counseled her through many disastrous relationships and it took a setup with a friend of a friend to see that it’s not the guys who are causing all the trouble. My friend is actually the problem. And now she’s set her sights on my husband’s best friend. She’s constantly asking me to set them up. I see disaster ahead, and my husband’s best friend is like family to me. I don’t want to get him tangled up in all this! Also, I didn’t mention that she’s totally hot. It would be difficult to convince him not to go after her once he sees he is getting the green light from her. Can I poison the well just a little bit without going straight to hell? Can I have my husband do it?

Oh, sure. Go ahead. Tell your husband’s friend (Dick) that your friend (Jane) did a stint in a mental institution. Or went to jail for stalking an old boyfriend. Or that she’s a Republican. That way Dick will be sure to avoid your totally completely awesomely hot friend.

I think Dick will be blinded by the hotness, and there’s nothing you can say to dissuade him from Jane. I also think that it’s none of your business. You don’t have to set them up–that’s up to you. But saying shitty things about people you care about, to prevent them from participating in a relationship that they both want to be in, isn’t right. You’re just being a bored married person who’s missing out on relationship drama.

Like, what do you think Jane is going to do to Dick? She might make his life unpleasant, but since he’s your husband’s best friend, I seriously doubt he’s going to be like, “I’m never speaking to you again because your wife’s friend got jealous of the woman who cuts my hair and tried to stab her with a pair of scissors.” No, he’ll be like, “Thanks for introducing me to the crazy hot chick. I have to go into the witness protection program now, but it was totally worth it.”

And you don’t know…maybe they’ll work out perfectly together, and you and your husband will have a nice, slightly unhinged couple to hang out with.

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