Summer is here! Don’t be an asshole.

I belong to a country club, as do many of my friends. We have a generous guest policy, but one woman always brings her friend, who doesn’t belong to the club, as her tennis partner. I feel like it’s bad manners on both of their parts: the member shouldn’t abuse the guest priviliges by bringing the same person all the time, and the guest should know better than to continually use the club without becoming a member. I really want to say something about this. It’s not right.

Oh, good idea. I always thought there should be someone with the job of Country Club Police. They should really hire someone to keep track of guests and stuff…oh, wait. I think they probably already did hire someone for that. Someone who’s NOT YOU.

MYOB.

My boyfriend’s friend always makes idiotic sexual comments whenever people are applying sunscreen to each other…especially if it’s me and my girl friends. How can I get him to shut up?

Get the spray kind, and accidentally have a wrist spasm next time he does it. A nice healthy squirt of UVA protection onto his eyeballs might scare him away from you permanently.

If we’re having a barbecue, and someone asks if they should bring something, and I say no, don’t worry about it, shouldn’t they bring something anyway? Everyone knows you bring something when you go to a barbecue at your friend’s house.

Instead of trying to spike people with your kooky, whacked-out, opposite-day version of Miss Manners, here’s a tip: say what you mean. If you need mustard, say, “Sure, thank you, I’d love it if you could bring some mustard!” If you expect a present, say, “I’d like some peonies and a nice bottle of Shiraz.”

And if you say, “No, just bring yourselves!” then put a cork in your judgement hole. Here’s a tip: say what you mean. Conversely, mean what you say. It works wonders.

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