If the Hatfields had electricity.

My neighbor and I don’t get along very well in the first place, and then she recently put a giant spotlight in her back yard. It’s so bright, and it comes right in our windows. I’ve asked her politely to please turn it off for part of the night, or to get a dimmer bulb, but she refuses. I get so worked up about it every night that I’m having trouble falling asleep. I’m especially enraged because I have a daughter and the light comes right in her window. What can I do to get this crazy woman to turn off her spotlight?

Legally, you’re SOL. So…

It’s tempting to go totally psycho on her, right? You could get a dog and let it poop in her yard when she’s not home. You could install a giant mirror in your back yard that’s positioned perfectly to beam light right into her bedroom. You could install speakers in your yard and blast, on repeat, “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off to Have a Good Time.” Or plant some flowers on her side of your house and hire a gardener who is incredibly hairy and chubby and only weeds in a Speedo.

Or you could realize that she doesn’t like you, doesn’t give a shit about you and your kid, and is only going to enjoy her spotlight all the more because you want her to turn it off.

Get some blackout shades and some dark curtains, install some awnings, and hope that after the novelty wears off, she’ll start forgetting to turn it on at night. And get some Ambien.

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