My sister’s boyfriend is a douchebag. Part II.

Apparently, my previous advice on this subject was not enough for everyone. Here’s more.

My sister just brought her new boyfriend home to meet our family for the first time. We hate him. Everyone hates him. Even the dog and my other sister’s baby hate him. He’s not mean or rude–he just has a bad personality. He laughs at his own (terrible) jokes, erupts into song for no reason, and tries to horn in on every conversation and private family joke that clearly has nothing to do with him. He tries so hard that it’s painful, but I don’t feel bad for him because the reason he has to try so hard is that he sucks so much. I’ve been avoiding my sister’s phone calls since they left because I know she’s going to ask me what I think of him, and I don’t want to tell her, but I don’t want to lie. What do I say? Should I tell her the truth?

No! Bite your tongue. She’ll only get mad and then stubbornly date him for six more years just to prove to you and the rest of your family that she’s a big girl and can make her own decisions.

If he mentioned that he might have a slight problem with stalking people and his last girlfriend had to get a restraining order, sure, you can say something. But laughing at his own bad jokes? He’s probably laughing at them because it’s more comfortable than sitting there in stony silence while your entire family gives him the collective stink-eye. Bursting into song is annoying, I’ll give you that. Maybe the next time he does it, join in and sing louder, in a falsetto, and try to startle him into stopping. Or just put your hands over your ears and scream, “NOOOOOOOOO.”

You sound like a tight-knit bunch, and while Sir Douchey of the Knights of the Douche Table might truly suck as much as you say he does, put yourself in his shoes for a minute. Imagine being slightly uncomfortable with yourself to begin with, and then meeting a group of people who are predisposed to disliking you–everyone from the dog right up to Grandma. It must be hard for him. Try to be compassionate.

And when your sister asks what you think of him, be creative. Say, “He has a wonderful sense of fashion,” or, “It’s so amazing that he knows the lyrics to the entire Phantom of the Opera,” or “Mom sure didn’t appreciate that joke about her teeth being grayer than her hair, but I can see how in a different setting that would have been a riot.”

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