Should I stay home or go back to work?

My maternity leave is almost over and I’m feeling very emotional and a little crazy about it. I like my job and I have worked hard to get to where I am in my career. I’m not ready to step away from my professional life, but the thought of leaving my beautiful, sweet 3-month-old daughter with a nanny all day makes me cry. We are not rich but with a few sacrifices I would be able to stay at home. I am just not sure I want to. Which makes me feel guilty. Do you see the problem here? I’m going nuts.

If you leave your child in daycare or with a nanny all day, she’ll grow up to be a sociopath at worst, and at best she’ll be that kid in the high school cafeteria who sits alone with her hair hanging in her eyes, eating the middles out of 13 slices of white bread and occasionally laughing hysterically for no reason.

If you’re a stay-at-home mother, your daughter will grow up to think the world revolves around her, and will end up angry and bitter when she realizes that life isn’t going to always go the way she wants. She’ll get hooked on paint thinner fumes and heroin, and write an angry memoir about you and your smothering ways when she’s in her 20s. You’ll become the cautionary tale for an entire generation of parents who raised their kids to be awful, spoiled people.

If you go to work, you will be fulfilled professionally, but your family life will be a big gaping hole of resentment and sadness.

If you stay at home, you’ll have terrific kids, but you’ll morph from an intelligent, interesting woman into someone who wears elastic-waisted pants and talks about poop all day.

See? You can’t win. Do what feels right. It’s going to be okay.

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