My roommate brings guys home and it’s gross.

I am in college. My roommate sometimes brings guys back to our room in the middle of the night. I DO NOT want to hear what I’m hearing but my roommate is popular in our group of friends and I don’t want to make her mad because I am afraid she will turn everyone else against me. But I’m sick of being woken up and even more sick of hearing her make out with whatever guy she met in the bar that night. How can I get her to stop without pissing her off?

Don’t worry; you have so many options. This is going to be fun! Here are some ideas, but of course, feel free to get creative and do some mixing and matching:

1. Be shady. Blackmail is always a winner, if you can get over any silly moral and/or legal hangups. Be patient, and take a few quick pictures on a couple different mornings with your cell phone. Your roommate may be mean and have the power to turn an entire university against you with her words, but you’re going to have a fine collection of photographs of her nestled in the arms of a variety of gentlemen. Email her the pictures with a nice little note that says, KNOCK IT OFF, OR I’M SHARING.

2. Be creepy. After she and her new friend get home, wait a couple minutes until they’re settled into their nighttime activity, and then turn on the light. Wear a Golden Girls-style muumuu, a beekeeper’s outfit, or a Batman costume, turn on the light when they least expect it, and say in your sexiest voice, “Want company?” You’ll freak her out and when she tells people what you did, just be like, “Oh, sure, like I would really do something that weird.”

3. Be clumsy with your dialing finger. Sneak her cell phone out of her purse, hit her mom’s number, and leave the phone next to the bed. Problem solved.

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