This was a response to a previous post: https://tochea.com/2009/07/20/how-do-i-get-my-wife-to-pay-attention-to-me/. Also take a look at http://wp.me/puM8T-bw for a good plan.
I’m going through a similar situation with my my wife. Kids, career, books, friends, and just about everything else get way more focus than I do. And it has nothing to do with housework. Hell, I do just as much if not more than she does. And I don’t buy the work/life balance crap. There are days when I work from home, shuttle the kids and their friends around, pick up flowers and a card, and get all the dishes and laundry done before she gets home. Then, to top it off, I go get dinner for everyone.
I would tell you to try what I have done, but it really hasn’t worked. I scheduled some “us” time, but then the plans get canceled. I set up a romantic night away, but then we return to the same old “me and the kids” routine before you can blink an eye. I would consider counseling, but in my case I’m afraid it would do more harm than good. Digging up old feelings of resentment is not my idea of constructive therapy.
My advice…just leave. You’ll find out real quick if she still gives a rat’s ass about you. People typically find time and fight for the things they truly want.
Why don’t you give me your number so I can call you and arrange to hand over the keys to my office and you can write To Chea instead? Because really, you’re brilliant at this! “Just leave!” Genius! And we should extend this advice to say that if your kid is misbehaving, kick him out of the house. And if you get in a fight with your mom, just cut her off. Who needs the hassle? Then you can sit all by yourself in your house with your flowers and your anger, and that’ll be really fun and rewarding.
If your wife is lying on the couch eating candy and throwing the wrappers at you while you vacuum, that’s one thing. But you said it yourself: SHE IS WORKING. She’s not at the mall or a Neil Diamond concert (which would be totally fun, by the way). She’s working. And yay for you and the romantic night and the flowers/card combo, but to think you shouldn’t return to the same old kids/house/dog routine is immature and short-sighted. Maybe try to imagine what she’s going through: she works all day and comes home to Captain Angry Pants who’s been spending the entire afternoon thinking about all the ways he’s working harder than she is.
I think you should grow up and talk to your wife when you’re not mad. Have a practical conversation about who’s responsible for what around the house, and tell her frankly that you feel unloved and unwanted. If you frame it in a way that you’re just trying to improve the relationship, NOT blaming her for anything, you could get some good results.
If you’re boiling over with resentment and anger to the point where you fear going to therapy, I urge you to see your physician to check your blood pressure. Then, for real, go to therapy with your wife. Storming through life like an angry little monkey is no way to live.