I was invited as a single guest to a wedding. I’m gay, but definitely not single.

I was recently invited to a wedding as a single guest. The groom is a good friend from college. I don’t see him very often, but I was very much looking forward to going to the wedding and seeing all of our old friends. The problem with being invited as a single guest is that I am actually not single. I’m a gay man who has been living with my partner for five years. We have a son together. If we could get married, we would, but we can’t, so technically I’m single but in reality I am definitely not.

I called a good mutual friend of the groom and asked him why he thought I was invited without my partner, and he said that the groom was being very tight with his guest list and was hoping I would understand. I am not really sure how to proceed. I would like to attend the wedding but I can’t shake the feeling that this has less to do with budgetary issues than it does homophobia issues. I can’t imagine that my friend would have invited only one half of a heterosexual married couple. What should I do? Should I go to the wedding?

Can you find out who else is going? Call around to some other friends who are going, and find out if you’re the only married person (I totally consider you married) who was invited without a spouse. Or even call the groom and nonchalantly ask, “Are Dave and Betty going to be there?” If he’s like, “Oh, just Dave, I didn’t invite Betty,” then you’ll have your answer. If you are the only one invited as a single person, don’t go. As a gift, send the bride and groom a nice framed picture of you and your partner giving them the finger. Or maybe make it a nice collage of flipping them the bird and mooning them.

I’m going to start a side business called Homophobia Detectives, Inc., where I use my powers of observation, intuition, and shithead-detection to crack tough cases like yours. The better crime for the groom to commit would be tightwaddery and weird invitation-talking behind people’s backs; the worst, of course, would be not inviting your spouse because he’s uncomfortable with same-sex partners. (I AM GOING TO RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO PONTIFICATE HERE ABOUT THE UTTER ABSURDITY OF DENYING GAY PEOPLE THE RIGHT TO GET MARRIED.)

If you’re not the only person invited without a partner, then go and have a good time. I have lots of friends who are cheap m-erf-ers, and even people like that deserve to celebrate their weddings with friends.

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