My friend “Ashley” just got engaged. When she and her fiance came over to tell me the big news I had to go hide in the bathroom for a minute because I was so upset that I was sure they could see it on my face. I like “Dave” okay but I think he’s horribly immature, unreliable, and irresponsible. She’s so into getting married and having a family and I’m scared that she’s going to get pregnant right after their wedding and that he is going to leave her as a poor single mother before she even turns 25. My other friends and I are thinking of staging an intervention to talk to her about postponing the wedding but are afraid of her reaction. Should we do this?
The biggest problem I have with other people is that they don’t do what I say. Ashley won’t listen to you, so don’t bother.
I’ve been to weddings where I wanted to rush the altar, grab the bouquet out of the bride’s hands, and stomp on it while screaming, “NO, NO, NO! You two are IDIOTS! Do NOT do this!” But I didn’t. I clapped and got misty-eyed over the vows and then shortly thereafter when it all went to shit, I listened to a lot of crying and bit my tongue when the bride said, “Why didn’t anyone say anything to me?”
Conversely, I dedicated an absurd amount of time and attention, and grocery money to a guy with the maturity level of a four-year-old and the intellectual curiosity of a groundhog. Despite my friends taking out a full-page ad in The New York Times begging me to dump him, I insisted that eventually he would move out of his parents’ house and would come to realize that skipping work to get your nipple pierced on a Wednesday afternoon is not the behavior of a future executive.
You shouldn’t sneak-attack Ashley with a Dave Sucks party. I’ve said this before: if she expresses a concern to you, feel free to give her your opinion (i.e., “YES, it’s really bad that he used your sister’s breast pump as a beer bong. What an idiot.”) but don’t make a big deal out of it. It’s only going to make her mad at you, and even worse, isolate her from you and the rest of her friends. Be a good friend, but an honest one.