Someone passed out in our alley and now my wife wants to move.

I love living in the city. My wife and I just had a baby and I think she wants to move to the suburbs…she keeps suggesting we “go for a drive” just to “check things out” on the weekends, and I feel like she is trying to get me to like it so we can move. I’ve been resisting but then this weekend she went to walk the dog and had the baby in the stroller, and there was a man reeking of alcohol passed out (on a sofa someone put out for garbage pick up) in our alley. Needless to say, she was freaked out and now I fear this has given her the ammunition she needed to convince me to make the move. She knows I worry about her safety. Is she right? Should I go look at houses in the burbs?

No. You should be proactive and make a concerted effort to keep people from falling asleep or loitering in your alley. If you catch your neighbors trying to get rid of furniture, offer to drive it to Goodwill for them. If you see him again, wake up the drunk man and tell him you’ll give him $50 in exchange for a promise to always sleep in the alley on the other side of the street. Or clip a badge to his shirt and tell your wife he’s an undercover policeman who you paid off to sleep in your alley on purpose, thereby scaring off all the actual sketchy drunk people who like to rest/pass out in public places.

Don’t move to the suburbs unless you’re ready. Because once you get out here, there’s no turning back.

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