I want my husband to stop drinking because I’m pregnant.

I’m having a problem with my husband. I’m pregnant, and I have asked him not to drink during this time because I can’t drink and because I think it’s a good idea to spend the remaining six months preparing for the baby’s birth. After the baby is born, he will not be able to drink and party, so I think now is a good time to start preparing for our new life. My husband, though he said he would try to do this, has not been trying very hard, and it’s really upsetting me. How can I get him to understand how important this is? My feelings are hurt and I feel betrayed that he promised to do this and then went back on his word.

I’m going to assume that your husband doesn’t actually have a drinking problem, and that you’re just asking him to stop drinking because you’re mean.

Pretty much every dad I know is ecstatic when they find out that their wives are pregnant. Sure, the baby is nice and everything, but the biggest treat is their own personal designated driver for 40 weeks. Why do you want to deprive your husband of this? Are you afraid he’s going to have fun without you? There are a lot of sucky things about being pregnant, and not being able to drink is at the top of the list. During my pregnancies I realized how much better weddings, birthday parties, and Sunday Mass are when you’ve had a couple vodka tonics. Why should he suffer just so you don’t have to suffer alone? I’m sure he agreed to your ridiculous proposal because it didn’t seem like there was any way out of it; you seem a little pushy and controlling. I think you should let him off the hook and relax a little. Let him have fun. His life is going to change soon, too.

A side note…it’s true that after the baby comes, you won’t be able to go out and rage like you used to, but I’ve met some of the most dedicated partyers I know since I’ve become a mom. And they’re all other parents.

*(If this really is a situation where he has a bona fide issue with alcoholism, I urge you to attend Al-Anon or see a therapist immediately. This is NOT something you can deal with alone.)

See also: https://tochea.com/2009/11/09/if-i-cant-have-fun-while-im-pregnant-my-boyfriend-shouldnt-either-part-ii/

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64 Comments

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64 responses to “I want my husband to stop drinking because I’m pregnant.

  1. Anonymous

    I’m pregnant right now and not being able to drink does suck. My husband and I used to go out every weekend. It is hard to adjust to what your life is going to be like. But your life doesn’t END when you decide to have kids. If you try and do this to him you are going to wind up a single mom. My husband still goes out every now and then and I don’t mind. We have to stop because we are the ones creating a new human inside of us. They aren’t and it is harder for them to understand what it means. Don’t try to change him. You married him the way he was so leave him that way or he’s going to leave you.

  2. Maria

    I totally agree with you. I am 24 weeks pregnant and my husband has continued to drink every weekend since I have been pregnant and he did it before I got pregnant. We went out a lot together and he still goes out without me. I have asked him on several occasions to at least cut it out a little. It’s not really the drinking that bothers me but the person he becomes while drinking. It’s not like he will be able to stop when the baby comes so I think all that BS about once I hold the baby things will change. I dont want her to smell alcohol on his breath ever so I agree with you asking him to stop, but I am going to try a tactic my mom said to do, just let it go. It’s hard as he–, but in order to not be stressed I try to just ignore it when he drinks.

  3. Angel

    If life is so sucky without alcohol, what if you could never drink again (say for medical reasons)? Would you want to kill yourself? Isn’t the love, intimacy, and bond of your husband and children the greatest high of all? I don’t get how alcohol makes life so great. I thought love and accomplishment made life great. Hmmmm… one of us should reevaluate the value of life.

  4. Chea

    Angel, by “one of us,” you mean you, right? You’ve clearly never had a good gin and tonic.

  5. Unknown

    I don’t think it’s being mean at all, I think it’s bringing equality. I would feel awfully lonely if I were pregnant and were left out so much, to have my boyfriend/husband not drink too would make me feel like we were in this together rather than just me on my own. Why should a woman have to sit and suffer alone when the child is the responsibility of *both parents*? He has the easy side by not being the pregnant one, the woman is sacrificing her body for nine months! To ask her hustand/boyfriend to do something so minor in comparison to help her feel a little better and support her is hardly the worst thing in the world!

    I personally think the response to this message was incredibley rude and judgemental.

    • Anonymous

      I agree. Let’s not forget darling hubby is “on call” during pregnancies and any potential complications would require the responsible decision making of both parents. I think it’s a weakness in his character to choose booze over what is morally responsible as well as what makes his partner and mother of his child feel more at ease and less alone. There’s nothing more pathetic than needing a back-up driver to labor & delivery because daddy’s been too busy partying to get you there safely….come on people…some ethics, please, I validate this woman’s feelings 100%

    • Lizzie

      So true. I just found out I am pregnant and my husband and I used to drink all the time. He is a bar manager and feels it is necessary to drink every night after work. He works downtown and then drives afterwards! It really pisses me off and it’s so irresponsible. He’s such a great man in every other aspect, but he needs to grow up. I completely sympathize with the person who wrote the original message. BUT, your husband should be entitled to a little indulgence…just not irresponsible indulgence.

    • Katelyn

      I totally agree with this what you have said! I am currently five months pregnant, and my boyfriend loves to drink. I feel left out and alone all the time. Us women are already experiencing many changes in our body as they say we are an “emotional roller coaster”. I feel like the husband/boyfriend should be able to handle a little task such as cutting back on the drinking, after all you are BOTH pregnant. He should be there for you as much as he can and support you through this journey. Is alcohol really worth losing a beautiful strong family? In my personal opinion absolutely not! I think if he loves you and if he wants a family he should try and atleast understand where you are coming from!

      Some of these things that I am reading are absolutely Rude by the way! To say that you can’t change him makes sense, but it must not be love if he can’t try a little. A guy should have some sort of responsibilty throughout this experience too!

    • Anonymous

      I know this is old but I 100% agree with you.

    • Anonymous

      Very good answer!

  6. Gigi

    I can see both sides of the argument, but I think it is VERY unfair to call this woman PUSHY and CONTROLLING. True, if the man wants to drink and have fun, it’s his right. After all, if he does it does no harm to the couple’s growing baby as he is not the one carrying it. That being said, how fair is it that due to the circumstances of human anatomy — that only a woman can carry a child and a man will never know the feeling — only the woman has to make such sacrifices? To insinuate that this IS fair is almost like saying that a woman’s pregnancy and the health of a couple’s baby is only HER responsibility. If a woman is fine with her husband drinking even when she can’t for the sake of THEIR baby, that is fine as she is very, very understanding and selfless. However, it is not selfish, nor pushy or controlling or any other denigrating term, to ask a partner in the amazing journey that is parenthood to be supportive and understanding by making the same sacrifices. And if a woman who does so finds herself a single mom afterward, obviously her partner’s drinking was only one of slew of bigger issues.

  7. Mary

    I am pregnant with our second child now. Whoever wrote this response is completely ignorant of the role mutual sacrifices play in a successful marriage. This person is not asking her husband to do anything she isn’t doing herself. To correlate the health of the baby to the fathers need or lack thereof for alcohol is asinine. He would be hurting the health of the relationship and the wifes faith in her husbands commitment to their growing family.whoever wrote the original response is a moron and should read ‘relationships for dummies!’

    • Ashley

      You know I thought I would be fine with my husband drinking while I was pregnant until I got pregnant and I had to sit and watch him have a good time. I swear I got so mad at my husband the other night for getting drunk and flirting with everyone but me at a bar. Maybe its the hormones…maybe if i was drunk too I wouldn’t have cared…but I was furious. He felt bad afterwards for hurting me and said it wouldn’t happen again but I’m still so angry. My hormones are insane right now and I keep struggling with rage. Its really annoying I just want to be able to get over it…but I keep thinking about it. I just really don’t think I want him to drink anymore cause it pisses me off how he acts when drunk…and then all that stress might hurt the baby. Luckily he isn’t a big drinker and understands how I feel. So in closing I think that husbands need to do whatever their wife wants. 🙂 Its a hard time for us and we don’t need them adding stress to an already intense situation.

    • mel

      I definitely agree with you, the original responder is full of crap.

    • Anonymous

      Well said. :]

  8. bitch

    your all stupid

  9. Ang

    im 18 and stupidly got prego(6months). my boyfriend is 19 and neither of us have a job…for the first couple months he drank. i didnt care. i dont care that he drinks.we both know that. but….latley, somethings changed in him. he doesnt just drink and party. he gets f::ed up. its hurting him. and it makes him violent, and we both dnt have jobs. guess where our moneys going….yea.
    i really want him to have fun, but this is bad. what do i do. im honestly really worried about him. this bing of getting really really messed up and acting like a crazy person goes on for 2 to 3 day at a time. i wish whoever reads this could see what he does. i get so humiliated when this crap happens. i love this guy and here are all his friends going “wow”. just somebody tell me wtf to do.

  10. Chea

    Ang. My dear. I want you to listen to me. You can NOT be with a man who drinks and gets violent. This isn’t something you can do. I’m sure that you love him, and you feel a connection to him because you’re pregnant with his baby, but you absolutely need to distance yourself from this situation. It could end very, very badly for you and your child.

    It sounds like your boyfriend needs help, and I understand your desire to give it to him, but there are two other people who are more important for you right now: your self and your baby.

    You need to get out of this situation, and it sounds like you might need some help. If he hurts you in any way, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.7233 or go to their web site at http://www.ndvh.org. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask you doctor for help, or your mother, or anyone else who you trust like a pastor or aunt or teacher or ex-teacher. I also urge you to find an Al-Anon meeting; they’re free and anonymous and are for anyone whose life is affected by alcoholics. It could be an important support network for you, which it sounds like you need.

    This is no joke; this is NOT like the woman in the original post. This is serious. You deserve a great life, and your baby does, too. You don’t have to live like this, and please write back if you need anything else.

  11. Sarah

    Asking your hubby to quite drinking during pregnancy is not crazy. Sure its fine for him to have a drink, but he is the one that should be there for you if something goes wrong. There is no way you can rely on someone who is tipsy or drunk to drive you to the hospital. Having a drink or two is one thing, getting tipsy and drunk when your suppose to be being responsable is mean. Your women relys on you and if your not there for her is the worst thing you can do to her while she is pregnant.

  12. Anonymous

    My boyfriend actually suggested that he quit drinking and smoking with me due to my pregnancy. I told him that I would definitley would love it if he would quit smoking but that he didn’t have to quit drinking; i didn’t want to do that and i still don’t want him to quit. However; it does really sux when he’s having a good time. I hang out with him and his friends for a bit but after a while i just feel leftout, sad, and tired. I feel almost pathetic but it’s not the alcohal i miss, but the fun we would have together when we’d go out . . . i actually feel like we’re not as close as we used to be. I’m not sure if i’m just going crazy or what but i can’t seem to get the sad thoughts out of my mind. I think im going to talk to him about it and see what he thinks. I don’t mind if he goes out without me sometimes but our usual routine is bbq’s with friends, beerpong, and well things that usually envolve alchoal. I enjoy this lifestyle as much as he does so I don’t want to ask him to quit for me i don’t know what to do to be honest.

  13. runningfish

    I am also frustrated with my husband’s drinking habits. We generally don’t go to bars anymore, but hang out with friends but sometimes watch Saturday afternoon games in a bar- which can transition for my husband to a full day of drinking. My husband is very excited about having our first baby and he is very supportive. I have no problem with him drinking, I just need him to pace himself when he drinks. He does in many situations, but then other times, it’s no holds barred. He gets sloppy and drunk and it just makes me mad, and he stinks in the morning!!I want to see him transitioning into a more responsible person so that when the baby arrives, he has already given up some of these bad and very unhealthy habits. I feel protective of myself(and baby) and our future and I want him to grow up a bit too, sooner than later! It’s my fears that upset me and I know I need to verbalize this with him, rather than just getting mad at him. I don’t think it would be fair of me to ask him to stop completely. It’s not that bad that I can’t drink. I feel ver healthy and look forward to my next glass of wine/Guinness, but cold turkey isn’t a fair request in my opinion.

  14. noodle

    i think if you can get your partner to quit drinking then well done you. i wouldnt ask my partner to give it up but thats partly cos i know he wouldnt however much it meant to me. i dnt mind when he has a couple of drinks but he really doesnt know when to stop and we always end up arguing because i dont like who he becomes when he drinks too much and its much more obvious when i’m stone cold sober (although he’s always got on my nerves when too drunk). he promised me he’d quit smoking too as i had to and i’m finding it soooo hard. he still hasnt after 4 months and as a result i’ve ended up giving in to my cravings a couple of times which i feel rly bad about and i know its my fault but its like he has no responsibility to either of us. all of this just makes me worried about how he’ll behave once the baby’s born. i’m scared i’ll just be left to deal with it all alone and he’ll just swoop in for the fun easy parts. i love him so much but he upsets me far too much and is showing no sign of change, don’t know what to do

  15. Tom

    Geez ladies. This is serious. I am a father to be, and out of curiosity I googled this topic and have read a few forums on a few sites now. Hate to say it but some of you gals are awfully cantankerous about this. For the record, I haven’t drank at home at all since my bride became pregnant, and when we are out with friends I keep it to one or two beers.

    I still feel bad though, just because of all the reasons that you all are screaming about here…it’s not fair. Feel left out. Insensitive of me. I get it. In fact I am VERY sensitive to it and so are most expectant fathers. Thing is that it’s so touchy. Why do you all have to be so ugly about it? Half of you on this forum ought to leave your hubbies if you hate them so much for having an occasional beer. Word to the wise….if you want us to do something like cut back or stop drinking, just SAY it. We love you and want you to be comfy and happy. It makes our lives much better if you are.

    Moral of the story is that this issue should cease to be some secret forum for badmouthing your husbands. Learn to communicate. It will save your marriages. I have read enough. My lovely wife has never said anything about me drinking but you all have taught me a valuable lesson in transparency and talking to your partner. I am going to ask her honest opinion on the matter. Thanks and good luck to your husbands. They need it.

    • Anonymous

      Kudos Tom. These cantakerous, craby women represent the minority of woman out there. I am on my 2nd child and agree with Chea. Not many times can my husband enjoy himself and never have to worry about getting home. When I am bored, I leave and tell him to call me. At least I get peace and quiet at home and he can have some fun with the boys. It is not every night and he will appreciate you more for it. Stop being so controlling ladies and lighten up!

    • Lizzie

      Tom, it doesn’t sound like you really “drink” like some of these other men do. These women looked this forum up because they are (or were) fed up at the moment, as well as pregnant and hormonal, so of course their discussions are going to be emotionally charged. But I definitely like to hear male responses to issues like these.

    • anonymouslady

      Tom, if only my husband could keep it to one or two beers. His idea of going out for a “few” drinks is having 8-12 and he can’t manage to get a 12-pack at home and not down it within 24 hours. He’s cut back, because I’ve made him, but he doesn’t want to. He’d still be going out 3 times per week, getting wasted each time on 12 beers, and having at least 24 beers at home during the week. I hate forcing him to cut back, but he has to learn to and won’t do it on his own. He’s a wonderful person, but doesn’t understand what his drinking does to me, although I do tell him. Trust me, I communicate constantly.

      You clearly respect your wife and are making sacrifices for her during this difficult (yes, pregnancy is difficult on us!) time. I don’t think anyone is complaining about men like you. It’s when the men in our lives can’t just have a few beers and call it a day. It’s when they don’t realize that they’re about to be fathers and need to grow up. My husband isn’t a 20-year-old frat boy. He’s a 30-year-old soon-to-be father. He can’t come home like he does now with a baby in the house, and he certainly can’t down a 12-pack with his child watching him.

  16. Candice

    Tom, I really enjoyed your comment.

    Being 19 and pregnant, with a 25 year old boyfriend, it has been hard to watch him and others consume alocohol when I knew I couldn’t. I believe it is only fair that we are “BOTH pregnant”, not just me, because it really does make sense in my head that a man should have to go through whatever a woman is during that time, it took the two of you to get pregnant. I feel it would be a different story if we planned the pregnancy, rather than it just happening, but maybe I just think this way because i’m so young?

    But anyways, he loves me and has stopped drinking, which makes me so happy, because he’s really there for me through all of this, and it makes me feel better about what will happen when the baby is born.

    It’s just his friends who dont understand. They think I am immature and controlling because he cant go out and get drunk with them. He doesn’t want to, but they still blame it all on me. I’m sure if it was one of their girlfriends pregnant, they would be the same way he is, I think?

    I just never wanted to see my boyfriend get all drunk, go out all night, and me sitting at home doing it by myself, because I saw my sister go through it and it was just wrong.

    • Danny Darko

      *cough*BS*cough*

      First off, we aren’t “both pregnant.” I would personally love to be able to carry a baby for 9 months in my belly. I don’t think its fair that I can’t feel it kick, burp, hiccup, and move around.

      Second, 1 out of 10 men might actually quit. The other 9 are just hiding it to pacify their chick. Its wrong that women are so selfish and expect their men not to have a little fun or throw one back every now and then just because she can’t.

      If tomorrow I got hit by a car and were paralyzed I would not make my wife sit in a wheel chair for the rest of her life too, I would not scowl at her whenever she went to an amusement park and got on a roller coaster, whenever she high-fived someoen, or whenever she walked down the stairs because “I can’t do it, neither should you.” That’s retarded and a petty life to live. Goodluck with marriage I can already feel the divorce rates going up.

      • Anonymous

        I think you’ve missed the point, these women are asking for 9 months not a life time – so you’re wheelchair comparison is ridiculous!
        If two people can make the baby then two people can give up drinking during the pregnancy! If a man cannot make that sacrifice for his partner and child then it seems to me he is very weak and selfish.

  17. Rachel

    I googled this topic and found this site. I was horrified at the first post. Mean and rude and inconsiderate.

    I’m 10 weeks pregnant. I’m 30 and have been married for 3 years. I told my husband in the beginning that I would like him to go through this with me, not b/c I’m forcing him, but b/c he wants to be part of the experience…this may be the only baby we have and I don’t think it has to be a time of sacrifice, but a time of sharing. Alcohol should not be so important in a person’s life that they are willing to miss out on the experience of creating a child together. A father is more than a bit of sperm, in my humble opinion.

    My husband agreed, but for the most part he has fallen back on some habits. He is not a binger of any sort, but when he drinks my favorite bourbon in front of me, I find it upsetting. I have clearly verbalized this to him; he gets it, he apologizes for upsetting me. That’s not the point. It’s not about avoiding my moods, it’s about being thoughtful and supportive and if it has to be a sarcrifice, then so be it.

    Last week we went on a 7-day vacation with 7 people total to the beach. They are VERY heavy drinkers. I was extremely accepting of him drinking a pretty excessive amount (not as much of them thankfully), because he would tend to come to bed with me a little earlier and we’d go out in the mornings while everyone slept and do our own thing. The issue came one night when the guys decided to get him REALLY messed up. He was acting like a maniac. i went to the bar with everyone b/c I didn’t want to sit there by myself from 10-2am. At about 1am I asked him to walk me home, as he’d said earlier he would do that. After asking about 4 times, he reluctantly, did leave with me. I was SO angry. The night progressed into a hormonal and also legitimate disaster with an ensuing morning of very hurt feelings and terrible name calling. It’s over. Everyone has their ugly moments with their significant other. All in all, we are fantastic and he is very understanding and sweet on all counts.

    Sorry for rambling. I think I needed to vent about that.

    My point is. I’m cool with a beer here and there. What I’m not cool with is feeling left out…NOT MY PROBLEM. I believe in doing this together. This isn’t the freaking 1960s when men weren’t allowed into the delivery room and would go off drinking martinis while their wives performed glorified slavery in the home. I married under the premise that we are a team. We are friends, and if we are going to do something like make a human being we are going to do it together.

    When my baby’s born and things are settled down, I will have drinks, I will go out, and I will do everything I can to balance my life, and be a good parent. I am not going to start a completely different life or allow my child to dictate my personality and enjoyment in life. I am however going to make sure that the health, happiness, and well-being of the child is a collaborative effort between myself and my husband, starting now. He took part in conception, and that was a decision for the rest of his life, not just some re-enactment of a pornographic moment for his own selfish pleasure.

    ~r.

  18. Anne

    Wow, I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in my life. Ladies – nature dictates that YOU are pregnant – not him! When your partners are on pain medication and can’t drink, do you stop drinking too? I know I don’t. He’s my partner – but we’re not symbiotic twins! You can’t drink – for the health of your baby. I am amazed at how adamant you all are – and I have had two kids, so I know it’s not huge amounts of fun to watch everyone else get pleasantly tipsy – but it wasn’t the worst thing in the world! And if you’re all getting this upset about not being able to drink, maybe you’re the ones with ad rinking problem?? Nine months isn’t a life sentence – although I’m sure your partners feel like it is! Whatever happened to live and let live??

  19. Braylins mom

    I feel like alot of the women are saying including me that one or two beers are ok, but getting drunk and not taking into consideration of how your spouse feels is the whole point. OAN: all of the women and men who feel as if the spouses dnt have to take their wife or BM feelings into consideration are full of it and prob dont understand where we are coming from because from the rude comments Ive read you all must have had either the perfect husband or just learned how to hide the fact that you are lonely and used to your spouse being a jerk. Or if you are a woman maybe u are the jerk and find our comments to be weird . My question to all is why is it easy to say that it is nature and we have to deal with it alone ? I dont know about any of you all but I didnt have sex with myself, its easy to make the baby. To end this im not talkn about the men who are tryn to make this time as easy as can be for the wife or bm.its only 9months less stress healthy baby.

  20. Rita

    I just happened to stumble upon this since my husband is out drinking right now. If it weren’t for the fact that my husband is a raging alcoholic, I wouldn’t care that he goes out and has a few drinks. However, he is a raging alcoholic (like has even been forced into programs and meetings) and I DO think it’s a bit unfair to me for him to be this way. He stays out all night, never calls, doesn’t even answer his phone and if he does come home it’s a slew of hateful comments about my growing figure and how he doesn’t give a crap about our baby. Sometimes stealing money from me, or just items I need in general to get through the week. If I try to call someone to come get him, he’ll try to steal my phone away from me, or chase me around the house so I can’t call anyone. Several times the police have been called and he has had to be removed from our home. One time he got so drunk that I took his keys and cell phone. He got mad, stole my phone, called the police and said I was hitting him, then proceeded to beat himself in the face so it would look like I would hit him. So I’m a little biased to husband’s drinking while their wives are pregnant. Except for those who don’t make a habit of getting smashed, or just have a few here and there. That’s not an issue. But if you’re so wasted that you can’t answer her phone calls to make sure it isn’t an emergency, or drive her to the hospital if she needs to go, then yes… a request to hold off on the booze seems reasonable.

  21. Anonymous

    My husband drinks. I don’t mind usually. But he promised me one day he wouldn’t drink. Christmas eve when the family was to come over (they cant stand when he’s drunk because he can be extremely rude)

    Well he broke his promise and drank. Then sent me to the store to buy him – 36 pack beer. I was upset but I did.

    Right before dinner i experienced sharp pains an ended up bleeding horribly. He couldn’t drive me to the hospital because he was so drunk. So his sister did. The entire time I was there he drank even more. Not calling once to see how I was feeling

    Now you tell me. Was it fair that he broke his promise and drank?

    I was alone. Scared i was losing our baby and he wasn’t there once or even attempted to call to comfort me.

  22. Mike

    Just stumbled upon this site because my wife wants me to cut back because she thinks I an annoying when drunk. I can understand and will comply, but was looking for others perspectives. I actually do find it a little controlling and mean to expect the husband to suffer right along with you for whatever reason. I mean, put it this way, I would rather suffer to save my wife from suffering, just like I would never want my wife to have to suffer for anything. Period. End of story. I mean if I am on antibiotics and can’t drink I don’t expect my wife to not drink. Not that giving up heavy drinking is suffering. Its more of an issue with people forcing their partner to give up a couple glasses of wine or beer with dinner when they have been doing it their entire adult lives. But to the same principle, if I lost my hearing, I wouldn’t expect my wife to stop listening to music or if I was in a horrible accident and lost my legs, I wouldn’t expect my wife to roll around with me in a wheel chair. This has nothing to do with being a “team.”

    I would also like to say that husbands do suffer during pregnancy. They must deal with the constant trials and tribulations of living with an unpredictable, confusing, emotional and upset person, trying to understand them and where they are coming from and trying to make them as happy and comfortable as possible. This is not an easy task, and is quite frustrating for our simple logical based man-brains. Not to mention there is the extreme stress and fear we feel from being responsible for child and becoming a parent. 4 out of 7 days a week I can’t get to sleep because I worry about our finances and how we are going to afford this and college funds, and diapers, and my job security, how can I get a promotion, will I be able to contribute towards our retirement, is my life insurance adequate, are there any get rich quick schemes that actually work, etc, etc, etc.

    Now don’t get me wrong, it is nothing in comparison to what a women goes through, but don’t for a second think that men don’t go through some stuff while their wives are pregnant. They just don’t talk about it, they keep it inside. There is the constant pressure to be a strong and reliable figure for your wife. On top of that, any complaining, whining or need of consoling is perceived to the outside world as being uncompassionate towards the suffering of your wife. Suck it up, be a man. While your wife gets constant support from others all around her all the time and is encouraged to let her emotions out and to shy away from anything stressful, the husband must bottle everything up and constantly give and give and give to his wife so that she can be as comfortable as possible.

    I guess my main point is pregnancy is different for a man, there is no way to make the experiences equal, you just can’t. Women share a special bond with the developing child inside of them and while you wives may feel left out of the partying and the fun, the husbands feel left out during the development and growth of their baby. Sure we can feel the baby moving, and see the ultrasounds, but it doesn’t become real until the actual birth because its not growing inside of us, our actions have little immediate impact on the health or well being of the baby. We almost feel that the baby doesn’t need us, there is an extreme sense of inadequacy. Women complain a lot about us not being supportive, or not understanding, or whatever. But it’s because its such a vastly different experience between us. The way I figure, my wife will be able to have some fun after the baby is born, she went through a lot, and I owe it to her to take on the baby responsibilities while she goes out with the girls or whatever she wants to do without complaining. So there it is. I am a horrible husband for wanting to enjoy some drinks while my wife is pregnant. And that is that.

    • cadillacgirl

      REALLY MIKE?! You’re comparing this to someone going on antibiotics? Well I’m pretty sure that when you went on antibiotics, your wife didn’t “cause” the situation that warranted you being on antibiotics but as they say, it takes 2 to tango – last I checked, YOU were as big of a part in making your wife pregnant as she was and on top of the hormones, you don’t think she’s worrying about finances and all the same things you are you selfish jerk? As for the “constant whining” – imagine if you had to live for months on end with the feeling of being hungover and having the flu simultaneously – my husband can’t go for 24 hours of even having a slight cold without whining so suck it up princess and cut out some booze if it will ease things in the relationship and make things a little better for her!

      • Anonymous

        I don’t think it’s unreasonable for your wife to ask you to “cut back”. I have asked my husband to do the same because when he drinks with our friends it is never one or two drinks. He is not a jerk or abusive. The problem is that he always has enough drinks to make him unable to drive me to the hospital, if needed (heaven forbid), or to really be there if something did go wrong. Biology dictates that I do everything to ensure the well being of my baby and it is torturous when I know he is not sharp enough to help me if I need it or if I am home and he is out and when he finally does come home he passes out immediately and is difficult to wake up. This adds to any feelings of loneliness that exist. Before I was pregnant I was right there beside him partying as hard as he does now so I have no problem with the lifestyle. It is reasonable for me to be upset if he is unwilling to make a temporary change in his habits or, worse, is unable to. It is only in times that I have not communicated this clearly that we have had a problem.

      • Christine

        You said it, Cadillac Girl!

        Mike, if you only knew… finances? promotions? the pain of “having to live with an unpredictable, upset person”? Holy cow. Poor, poor you. If that’s how men suffer through a pregnancy, than you deserve a sticker… a gold star.
        How do women suffer? They give up themselves. Every part of themselves. Forget the career launch. Say goodbye to your body as it was (and it will never be the same again after you push a watermelon out of something the size of a grape…). Say goodbye to your freedom.
        Men just don’t get it. You’re selfish by nature, and your “logical man-brain” will never ever wrap around the concept.

  23. just a little enraged

    Thank God I ran into this. I am 6 months pregnant and tired as f@ck of watching my husband party with our friends. I really do not mind that he drinks moderately with them. I DO mind when I am with him until 2am and there is even a friggin’ question whether or not he will go home with me and then he throws a temper tantrum.

    To the people here who say that he shouldn’t have to take my feelings into consideration and sacrifice a little party time I say this unto you: I made a list of 16 things I have sacrificed and/or done for this pregnancy ranging from the “not hard” (giving up sushi) to the “harder” (being on bed/abdominal rest for 2 months–and making sure that I was the only one giving up orgasms) to the, O, just a little bit harder (most probably having my vagina cut open during the birthing process). We sacrifice our bodies…bodies which we have to work like stuck cows to regain…I think homie can party on the lighter side for me for 9 months.

    Aside from that, he’s great. He even loves the cat with tenderness.
    But I swear I will impale him upon a burning stick if he doesn’t stop with this shit.

    • Anonymous

      enraged, I am with you on that part about other than the drinking and clubbing hubby is great. My hubby still tends to go out 1-2 times a month when the mood strikes him. My hubby didnt let up at all the entire time I was pregnant. He would even call me versus taking a cab at about 2 am to come and pick him up. I have to admit he is a good, not great, but good father and I appreciate that but think I deserve so much more…

    • jen

      wow. i somehow feel like although i don’t know you, you are my friend 🙂 lol

  24. Anonymous

    I feel the same way about missing the good times with my husband. We have always been best friends drinking, laughing and having so much fun together. Now is it different! He doesnt understand why I dont find things as funny as before or where my energy has gone.. He has even gone as far as to call me crazy and that really pisses me off! I feel so distant from him and it just breaks my heart because this is suppose to be one of the most joyous times in our life. I am 6 months and this is our first and only baby.. I am 36 and only want one. I dont think he will ever “get” how I feel and I dont want to hold this against him but he really need to come around before I turn stone cold.

  25. Anonymous

    He married you!!! And decided to have a baby!!!!
    I know it sucks men but their is a change when you have a baby!!
    Im
    23 weeks pregnant I’m 19 my husband. Is about to turn the big 21!!!
    And he really don’t know his limit at all!!!!!!t
    I don’t mind him drinking but every weekend!!?!?
    It just gets to the point that he annoyes me cause he acts stupid!
    He got so wasted a week ago and threw up on my dads car both my dad and him get wasted and my mom left out of town it gets really stressed that I have to deal with both of them..
    The husband should be there for you emotionally!!!!!
    I love my husband but its getting to the point that I rather be alone than have my son grow up with a bad example.

  26. Hi everyone. I’ve just had an embryo transfer, so I’m not even sure I’m pregnant yet. But I read all these posts and completely sympathise. This pregnancy thing isn’t easy at all. My situation is tricky. In the space of 2 and a half years I’ve lost both my parents, and 2 babies. Both were IVF, a miscarriage at 6 weeks, and then an abortion at 14 due to problems that couldn’t be fixed. I am sick with worry because I know that these two weeks are so important. I find out on the 31st if it’s worked or not. But instead of being relaxed, I am feeling under pressure because I know that arguments will follow if the pregnancy goes through. My husband is lovely man in so many ways, but I do feel as though pregnancy pushes us further apart, rather than bringing us closer together. He hasn’t drunk one bit for the last month leading up to the transfer, but I can tell he’s had enough and is desperate to let his hair down. Christmas is coming, and I am dreading it. It will be the third Christmas in a row that I have been with child and not able to have fun or relax. He will want to go out with his work, there will be a team night out and a main one for everybody. I am torn between being the nagging wife, and feeling that it’s really unfair of him to put me under more pressure when I have already been through so much. I was also arrested end of July for drink driving. We went to the pub, and when we got home, he went to bed and I just broke down. Got in the car and turned the key. I feel I’m at my wits end. I am scared that he will be funny about it when I ask him what he will want to do at Christmas. I may not even be pregnant yet, but it just goes to show how men’s behaviour can have a negative impact on what should be the most wonderful journey in the world. I am hoping that my worries haven’t effected my little embryo. Good luck everybody X

  27. N

    To Chea does not give ‘excellent advice’.

    In fact, it’s pretty crap advice.

    What an arrogant big-headed person.

    • Lizzie

      If you think Chea gave bad advice to someone dealing with a violent drunk; YOU are the arrogant, big-headed person “N”. And you sound completely ridiculous.

  28. Pregnant12

    The comment left above is utterly ridiculous. Obviously it is coming from a irresponsible parent. Did you read the comment about her drinking liquor during pregnancy. I believe cutting down on the liquor is reasonable maybe to 1-2 drinks per week. Or even a drink per day as long as he is not getting intoxicated. He probably is nervous and one drink can calm his nerves. Now as far a partying is concerned,yes, he should cease that completely. Being pregnant is not an easy thing to do especially in the beginning, you at home sick, depressed, and alone only adds to the hormonal depression that comes with pregnancy you need a coach to be at your side. While he is out drinking it up as if he has no responsibilities. This is a joint venture and both parties need to invest and sacrifice equally. Once the baby is born is he willing to stay home nine months while you catch up on your partying and drinking, NO. Know if he wants to invite the boys over or plan an outting that includes you then you both can feel involved, active, and happy. I knew of a girl who guy left her alone a lot while pregnant, and he came home to 2 dead bodies, unfortunately she choked to death. You are vulnerable when pregnant and you should be treated as such. It shows the dedication and discipline that he is capable of, he wanted this so he should experience it with you not watch you experience it alone.

  29. Jodi

    Okay all of you seriously? Half of you have no support to this situation and the other half is saying let him drink, ignore it and a tinnnny other half is saying seriously deal with it. I can tell you one thing right now that it takes “TWO” people to have a baby, not just one. Just because your carrying a child does not make “YOU” the only one needing to change. YES he does have to change because he did this with you, and to be frank its his seed that got you in this mess in the first place! He wants to continue to drink then this means he does not care about you, or the child. You and this child come first above ALL things in your relationship. Men are mostly providers in any relationship, but they also have a duty to respond to and respect. If he is not willing to stop drinking for you, then Im sorry but he is not worth it at all. Tell him to go talk to a profressional, and believe me they will tell him to clean up his act. I dont care who you are, what you are. You as a mother need to be treated with all respect, understanding annnnnd he needs to start doing his part as a dad! If any guy ever tells you no sorry “Drinking makes me feel good. Drinking is nice to have. I like the taste thats why I drink. Well the guys are going out so I am too.” These are all things men will say and use against you. Its called guilt on their part, but they will always put something inbetween their wanting to drink instead of themselves. You do not deserve a man who is not willing to stop too. You have a HUGE job being a mom, and if he can not take responsibility for being a dad and stop too…. Then im sorry hunnie but the cards are already dealt to you and it proves and shows you the true side of him. He needs a professional, or a family, maybe a friend to get through to him if he wont listen to you, or to your feelings. Its a “TWO WAY STREET” not a one way street, you dont deserve to do this on your own. Best of luck!!!!!!!!!

  30. Anonymous

    You know what…honestly already…..for all you people who are putting down these women for asking their husbands to stop drinking….its not ACTUALLY because the men are drinking…its because it feels incredibly lonely, like your by yourself when their out having a good time. And can you HONESTLY sit there and say that its rightfully fair that you do all the work and go through all the changes without any type of support?? Yes its understandable that they are stressed and overwhelmed to but you know what….get over it….we have to! We cant just go down a six pack because our doctors appmt ran 2 hours late can we?? Real men will do whats asked of them no matter how much it might effect their social lives, and if your a woman out there who disagrees than your man is obviously not one of them. Its not about control, its not about domination, its about respect and being there for her when shes feeling down and out and just needs your company…even if it is just sitting watching TV on a Friday night.

  31. Anonymous

    i googled “husband drinks while i’m pregnant” and found this.
    chea, you are pretty funny, thanks for the laugh.
    i can sort of relate but not because i’m a party pooper. safety is more of a concern in my case. my issue with my husband runs a bit deeper because there are more elements i have to consider. our relationship involves him, his binge drinking, high stake gambling, excessive debt, ex-con friends, two baby mamas and me.
    i’m on a new baby high since she is my first and i’m expecting in 8 short weeks. i try not to let my husband and his drama get me down. when he comes stumbling home, i just lock the bedroom door for the safety of me and baby. he’s a fitful sleeper when he’s drunk, especially if he’s lost playing poker.
    to cope, i just focus on the pros. a happy mama will make a happy baby, right?
    side-note, my baby’s middle name will be “Chea”. It’s my mother’s name and means “healed” or “cure” in Khmer. I’ll be visiting again soon, thank you.

  32. Anonymous

    Ridiculous, stupid advice. A pregnancy takes two. So what if nature dictates women carry the child? We are couples and we exist to support each other, especially through things like this. Yes your man should stop drinking. Its not mean. Its not a case of I suffer and so should you. Its a case of, I’m carrying YOUR child, so the least you can do is try and join in my experience and find other ways to enjoy this time together. There’s nothing more disheartening than feeling anxious about the changes your body goes through, while your partner who also made this baby kicks back like nothings new. Not acceptable.

  33. lindz

    I totally feel the same. When my husband and I agreed to try to have a baby he agreed to cut alcohol in support of me. But now that I’m 8 weeks pregnant he’s going back on his word and drinking. I know with this Christmas season and new years is the time for drinks, but I get to miss out on it and as well as my birthday in January, and he gets to go back on his word? It’s frustrating because it was his idea to begin with and he just doesn’t understand that its not fair to me to sit aside watch him drink and have fun then get him home and take care of him all the time.

  34. christina

    Are u serious? Honey its not his job to quit drinking during the pregnancy, its yours. Ur a pushy littlte weasle if u backed him into a corner and bullied him into promising not to drink.
    Ur being a total controling bitch. Of course he can drink after the baby is born. And who are u to decide this change in his lifestyle exactly? Pfft, ur gonna end up alone and divorced u keep this crap up. Grow up girl.

  35. Anonymous

    I am totally with you. I’m 9 weeks pregnant and I’ve asked my husband not to drink every weekend, but he continues to do so. You can say it’s selfish if you want, but it makes me angry that he still partying and having a good time when he knows I can’t. I don’t see what fun it is to sit around and drink alone anyway. What I find selfish is that with everything my body is going through, he can’t even give up getting drunk every weekends. It seems like that would be the least he could do to be supportive. I don’t have a problem not being able to drink myself. Drinking doesn’t even cross my mind until I’m around other people who are partying. It’s not too bad if he just has a few drinks, but it’s really annoying when he gets drunk and I am sober and he ends up doing or saying something stupid in his drunkenness. This, of course, would never bother me when we were both drinking, but it is really aggravating when I am sober and he is drunk. This usually leads to an argument, which isn’t good for the baby. It just seems like it would be best for everyone if he could try a little harder to sacrifice his beer every weekend…or at the very least avoid getting so drunk that he is annoying the hell out of me. I don’t find it selfish on my part like some of you people have accused. I find that he is the one being selfish for not being supportive. I’m not saying never drink again for the whole nine months, just not every single weekend and learn how to have a few, not a case!!!

  36. Brandi

    I disagree completely 100% with the response! You are NOT pushy not controlling! What if she went into labor and he was drunk off his ass?!? I am 8 1/2 months pregnant and my husband is out drinking right now! That’s why I came across this post! Seriously how is she controlling!? Designated driver for 40 weeks??? That’s all pregnancy means to you!? NO! The father should be helping prepare for the baby NOT GETTING DRUNK! OMG this post just made me more mad! Good luck hun, don’t listen to response to this. You are NOT pushy or controlling, you are a new mom who needs a reaponsible husband and father to ur child. I wish my husband was being responsible tonight…

  37. Am I the only pathetic, lonely guy here who would love to give everything up for a pregnant wife? I dream about laying in bed with the mother of my child and talking about cute things that couples talk about….I am a heavy drinker, spend much of my time alone or in bars, but I pray that one day I can have an opportunity to lay next to my significant other and make her as comfortable as possible….I would do something everyday to make sure she knows that I love her and our little one….I drink, smoke, and live a bachelor life. I would cash it in for the chance to be a the father that I never had.

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