So, I have this friend, “Bertha.” She and I have been the best of friends since childhood, and I love her like a sister. We have always been there for each other, can talk about anything, blah blah blah you get the point. The problem is, she is extremely flaky and is constantly making excuses why she can’t hang out with me. She is also an information witholder and (possibly?) a big fat liar. An example? Sure!
I spoke with Bertha on Wednesday and made tentative plans for Friday night. We kind of left it open as far as activities, but it was along the lines of dinner/drinks. On Thursday I get a text requesting that we hang out earlier because she had to get something ready for work. So of course, I’m compliant. Friday morning, I text her to let her know we can just hang out at my place and watch a movie if she has time restraints. i do not hear from until around 5, and she pretty much blows me off, saying that she is tired and lists several other reasons why she was unavailable that evening. That same night, around 10, my boyfriend sees Bertha walking down the street in a costume. Apparently, she was on her way to a Halloween party.
Instances like this have happened, but mostly she blows me off more than not.
Something else that is probably most significant is that she is a mega pothead. Like, smokes 5-plus times a day. She and her live-in boyfriend “Dick” are almost always high. Bertha and Dick invited my boyfriend and I over to watch football, and the lovely couple graciously offered us some of the pot. After we declined, they proceed to spark up in front of us. They repeated this behavior a few hours later. I believe I got a “contact high” and didn’t really appreciate it. Now, I’m no expert on manners, but isn’t this super rude?
I think I’m going to call her out on her Friday night antics, but I don’t know how much good that would do. I’m afraid she may be an addict, and that may explain her erratic behavior. However, she has always enjoyed this extracurricular activity, and I feel like her shadiness has gotten worse lately. I do want to have her as my best friend, but I know I deserve better than how she treats me. Help, please.
Let’s break this down:
1. Flaky and makes excuses to not spend time with you.
2. Lies to you by omission as well as just plain old making shit up.
3. Blew you off to go to a party without you.
4. Gets stoned often and enthusiastically, and in front of you, despite your distaste.
Uh…why do you want her as your best friend? She’s not nice to you. She’s not pleasant to be around. Frankly, it doesn’t sound like she likes you that much, or cares to spend much time with you. It sucks, but friendships end, and it hurts. I feel sadness and regret over the end of a couple friendships more than I did after breakups with boyfriends.
I’m lucky enough to have a few women whom I would consider my “best friend.” They’re all mentally ill in their own special way, and I’ve certainly had my disagreements with each of them (I was totally right every time and sometimes that’s hard for the people who love me to handle). But they’re kind, thoughtful, straightforward, honest, loving, and fun women, and I’m 100% positive I can count on them and trust them. Boring, I know.
I think you should just cherish the memories you have with Bertha in better times, and slowly just phase her out of your life. No need for a dramatic speech (by the way, I get the distinct impression that you LOVE the drama), no need for a confrontation. Just let it fade away.