My parents have been divorced for several years. They split up when I was an adult, after I moved out of the house, so I’ve never had to deal with this on a day-to-day basis. Now that I’m getting married, though, I’m having some trouble. My mother said she won’t go to the wedding if my father brings his girlfriend, who he has lived with for almost a year. I don’t mind my father’s girlfriend. She’s always been nice to me and if it makes my dad happy, I would be happy for him to bring her. But I really want my mother to be there, too. Her presence is important to me, but I’m afraid that if I ask my dad to come alone, he won’t come, or his girlfriend will be angry with me and our nice relationship will be ruined.
Do you see the problem here? What should I do? I really want both my mother and my father to come.
I think you should invite your mother, and invite her to bring a guest. Invite your father, and invite him to bring a guest.Who they bring is none of your business, and should either parent try to get information out of you, just say you don’t know.
“No, Mom, I don’t know if Dad is coming and bringing that dirty good-for-nothing floozy he picked up in a bowling alley bar on a Tuesday morning. Why don’t you call him and find out?”
“Dad, I am so wrapped up in trying to find someone who can carve an ice sculpture in the shape of my cat that I have no idea who Mom is bringing. You should ask her!”
Or, you could just ask them for money whenever they bring up the topic. “Hey, I can’t remember who he’s bringing. Did I mention that I have to send a deposit to the florist by Friday? Can I borrow $795? Oh, who am I kidding…can I have $795?” I bet they’ll stop calling so much.
It sounds harsh, but if your mother can’t get over herself for one day and be there for her daughter’s wedding, you might be better off with a little distance between you, anyway. It would be horribly rude for you to invite your father without his live-in girlfriend. Just as it’s horribly rude for your mother to emotionally blackmail her own child on a special day.