The only thing more fun than fighting with your spouse is watching another couple fight.

What do you do about couples who argue all the time in front of you? My sister-in-law and brother-in-law are the worst. They not only argue, but it often results in them screaming, swearing at each other, etc. It always bothered me, but now with kids, it bothers me even more to have them have to witness it. I could say, “Please don’t in front of the kids…” except they do in front of their own…

Next time they start laying into each other in front of you, curl into the fetal position, start rocking back and forth, and maybe bang your head against the wall a few times. Cover your ears with your hands and start wailing, “I’m sorry Mommy, I’m sorry Daddy. Please don’t get a divorce! It’s all my fault! I’m so bad it’s all my faaauuuuulllllttttttt!”

You’ll look a little unstable, but you’ll only have to do this once.

If that’s a little over dramatic for your taste (pansy), just give them a hairy eyeball, hustle your kids and theirs out of the room, and be all passive-aggressive and say, “It sounds like Dick and Judy need some time to themselves. Let’s go play Mario Kart.” They sound like unstable people, and hopefully they’ll either go to counseling or get a divorce some time soon. At any rate, it’s not your business to help them work it out. What is your business is making sure your nieces and nephews know that they have in their lives a sane, stable adult who knows how to behave in a functional relationship. Yeah, that would be you.

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