Unsolicited Advice #16

To the lady at the Gap, the woman in the school parking lot, the woman in the post office, and the random chick in the doctor’s office, and all other people who feel compelled to say shit to pregnant women: Don’t say ANYTHING to a pregnant woman other than “You look great!” or “How exciting!” For instance, do not say the following (which has ALL been said to me):

  • You look like you’re about to burst! Thanks. I’m only about 5 minutes pregnant, so I’m really glad I look like I’m about to explode. If I do, I can only hope it will be near you, and I’ll get your pants all mucky.
  • You must be having a girl, because you’re big all over. I hate you.
  • My daughter wasn’t like you…you could look at her from behind and not even notice she was pregnant. Oh, well, I don’t want to brag, but I’m actually carrying triplets, and I’m hosting one on each side of my voluptuous rear end.
  • How many are IN there???? One. One giant, giant baby. I’m a medical miracle and I’ve been carrying it for 6 years.

Seriously: just be nice.

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