So, if he’s adding new Facebook friends and not emailing me, that means he didn’t suddenly turn Amish, right?

So, let’s say you’re waiting for someone to email you back. You assume he’s out of town on vacation, maybe at his grandmother’s house, where he doesn’t get cell reception and there’s no internet. Then you notice that his Facebook friend count has gone up. Would you assume that since he’s near a computer since he can get on Facebook that he’s just not interested in emailing you back?

What I would do is stop being the kind of psychopath who sits around counting the Facebook friends of the man she’s interested in. Seeing as how it seems like I have a lot of time on my hands, I would maybe wake up in the morning, go for a nice long run, have some coffee and cereal while I watch my DVR episodes of Hoarders. Then maybe I would get on the internet and read the news, and do some writing, and maybe buy 25 pairs of brown boots from Zappos that I have no intention of keeping, and then maybe I would get on Facebook and see if that girl I haven’t seen since high school has managed to potty train her pet chimpanzee and check to see if my cousin has had any success building a mafia. I might look at the pictures my husband’s sister put up of her bachelorette party or accidentally stumble upon the dreamy profile picture of that cute boy I went to high school with and look at it for 25 minutes (also totally by accident).

What I would NOT do is go find the person I had a crush on, creepily already know how many Facebook friends he has, and then look to see if he has more than he did yesterday.

I would maybe go find something else to do with my day. Maybe something that involved therapy.

P.S.  Facebook is not real life. How many times must I say this?

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