I can’t get over my boyfriend.

How do I get over my ex-boyfriend? It’s been almost a year and a half since he broke up with me, and I just ran into him when he was out with his girlfriend. I kind of knew he had been seeing her for months, but seeing them together made me feel completely devastated. I can’t get over him and I’ve been depressed ever since I saw them. I thought I was doing better, and I wish this didn’t bother me so much, but it does. What can I do?

Normally, I would suggest ice cream and liquor (maybe a vodka sundae!), but you’re kind of past that point. Eighteen months is a long time.

I don’t think you’re in really bad shape, anyway. Certainly not as bad as you think. I think the problem here is your ego. It got bruised. You saw your old boyfriend, he had a new girlfriend (who I’m positive is MUCH uglier than you), and it brought back all those old crappy feelings of rejection and heartbreak and anger and confusion as to why someone would dump a girl as perfect as you.

This happens. Once I ran into a guy I briefly dated after not seeing him for years. I didn’t even care that much about him in the first place, but seeing him STILL haunts me, years later, because 1.) I smelled. I had just eaten a sandwich with about 30 onions on it, and you could smell them from a mile away. 2.) It was the only time in the entire 2000s decade that I had a breakout the size of a small planet on my chin and 3.) when I got back in the elevator to go up to my office, I noticed that the top THREE buttons of my shirt were undone and my granny bra was showing.

That hurt.

Here’s what you can do: think about the life you envision yourself having. Do you want to play tennis on the weekend? Do you want to write a novel or learn to fix cars or take up bridge or be the girl at the party who always has a really great dirty joke to tell? Do you want 47 friends? Do you want to have just two friends, but really close ones? Do you want to spend more time with your dad or your next-door neighbor or volunteering at a nursing home? GO DO SOMETHING. Occupy your days, watch good TV at night, read great books, and just take the time to do what you want with yourself. It’s a gift! Thank your ex-boyfriend (only in your head, DO NOT really call him) for giving you this time to get to know yourself and have a great life, and don’t try to terrorize yourself into getting over him. You will. It’ll just take time; all you have to do is decide how you’re going to spend that time.

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