My girlfriend “Jenny” is honestly the nicest, most caring and thoughtful person I’ve ever met. Anyway, she has this “best friend” since childhood, “Mary,” who recently met this apparently awesome group of co-workers, and in turn, tossed Jenny aside.
Jenny is always trying to save their relationship by trying to setup get-togethers and whatnot to hang out, but Mary either ignores her or takes a week to reply…and of course she’s always “busy.” When there is communication from her about hanging out it’s via text and very formal. The last time Jenny texted Mary, she replied with “I’m busy till sometime in March.” What the hell?!
This upsets me because it indirectly affects my relationship with Jenny. She’s always down and sad because of this. This is not the girl I know/met and she doesn’t deserve to be constantly hurt. Because of her nature, people take advantage of her, push her around, treat her like shit, and she just takes it.
It came up again today and I straight up told her bluntly to stop waiting on the sidelines with open arms because her efforts are wasted on someone who don’t deserve it and tell Mary to go F herself next time they talk. I think deep down Jenny knows I’m right, but the way I approached it (I don’t sugarcoat) made her cry and now she’s all pissed at me. I apologized for my bluntness but told her it’s the honest truth. Am I in the wrong? Should I have stayed and stay out of it in the future? I just hate seeing her hurt by this person that obviously doesn’t care about her anymore.
I don’t even know why you’re writing to me; clearly you don’t need someone to give you advice when you’ve already come up with a great solution for basically every problem a person could have. Mother-in-law bothering you? Just tell her to go F herself! Boss asking too much of you? Tell him to go F himself! Kid down the street throwing his ball in your yard? Tell him to go F himself, too, that little F-er!
It’s very sweet that you care about Jenny and don’t want to see her hurting, but I think yelling at her and making her cry probably wasn’t the right way to go about fixing the problem. The main problem is that you think it’s somehow your responsibility to fix anything. Jenny got a text that said, “I’m busy until March,” and you really think she doesn’t know what’s going on? If they’ve been friends since childhood, you’re not going to be able to swoop in like a Knight in Go F Yourself Armor and save the day.
The problem isn’t that you were blunt, or didn’t do an adequate amount of sugarcoating—it’s that instead of lending a sympathetic ear or taking Jenny somewhere fun to cheer her up, you yelled at her. Sometimes a girl just doesn’t want to hear a big fat I TOLD YOU SO screamed in her face. Sometimes she just wants to complain a little and have her boyfriend say, “You’re right, that totally sucks, I see where you’re coming from, and I hate that you feel bad.”