How do I know if he’s The One?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost three months.  He’s great and is good for me in the sense that he is a strong support system and guides me.  I love being with him and miss him when we are not together.

However, at the age of 28 I don’t ever want to waste time on a dating relationship that’s not going to eventually turn into marriage.  So of course I am thinking ahead wondering if he is “the one” for me and whatnot.  I don’t feel like I am quite in love with him, even though my feelings for him are strong.

He told me recently that his feelings for me are leveling out because of some ways I have acted towards him.  I have had some problems with my mood lately and have started arguments that have been pointless. I have, though, been getting better and handling things way better.  Basically he told me he is going to see what happens and is living day by day.  He says he wants to get married, but right now he is not saying when or to who.

We haven’t slept together yet.  He wants to, and so do I…but I want to wait until I know we’re really in love. He understands and wants to wait until I’m ready, but I feel like if I don’t soon enough he might say goodbye.  He’s 27 by the way. Is it too soon or soon enough or what?  I’m so confused as to how long you date someone before you know it’s love.

My boyfriend before him said I love you after 7 months, but I was 23 at the time.  I’m 28 now. Time is wasting.

Should I just let him go and keep looking?

I don’t think you should be considering sleeping with someone you don’t want to sleep with just because you’re afraid he might break up with you if you don’t. I also think you’re exhausting. You’re all over the place. You like him but you’re not quite in love with him, you love being with him but you don’t love him enough to think he’s “the one,” plus you’re being an irrational pain in the ass to him for pretty much no reason whatsoever. I’m sort of surprised he’ll even take your phone calls.

Time is wasting for you, yes. It’s wasting in the sense that you’re spending it all worrying about stupid stuff like whether or not this guy is going to propose to you, even though you’ve said yourself you’re not even sure you like him enough to tell him you love him.

Dating can be fun. Sure, there are times when you’re lonely and eating a whole pie while you wait for your phone to ring, but there are also times when you’re out and having fun in a great dress and you feel like everyone in the whole world is in love with you. I think you should stop thinking about anything more than a two-week window with this guy. As long as you’re having fun, and enjoying him, don’t think past two weeks. If it’s getting boring or stressful or you’re not sure you like him, break up with him.

I’m sorry to say this, but there’s so such thing as The One. I mean, you’ll meet someone, you’ll fall in love with him, and hopefully you’ll get married and have kids and a wonderful life together, but it’s not like there’s some cosmic force that’s ordained one person—and one person only—for you. And you’re kind of ruining all the fun by fretting about it. Live your life, and spend time with people you enjoy, and stop being such a psycho.

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