I’m planning a party for my friend who won’t cooperate.

My best friend from childhood is getting married, and I am the maid of honor. The wedding takes place in Hawaii in six weeks. I offered to host a shower or a bachelorette party, and the bride told me to skip the shower, that she just wanted to have the party. So fine, I emailed and called her several times to send me a guest list. She’s sent me nothing and the party is supposed to be in three weeks. I’m seriously stressing out about planning this and I don’t know what to do! Do I just wait for her to let me know what to do?

People are constantly offering to throw parties in my honor, and I do find that the best way to make them want to throw that party even more is to completely ignore their requests for guest lists and cake preferences. I feel like they should just know automatically that I like vanilla cake with chocolate frosting, and since they’re my loyal followers they should have done their research and know already exactly which friends I’m currently speaking to and which ones I’m shunning.

So I think that in order to prove what an excellent friend you are—never mind that you’re traveling all the way to freaking Hawaii for this woman’s wedding—you should fret endlessly about planning a party she can’t be bothered to talk to you about. Whatever you do, definitely don’t drop it completely, forget about it, and carry on with your busy life. And when the bride, two days before the supposed bachelorette party, asks you why you haven’t planned anything, please don’t sweetly say, “I didn’t know who to invite or where you wanted to go, so I figured it wasn’t something you wanted to do. But if you’d like, we can make some calls and get a good girls’ night out together.”

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