My husband “Dick” and I have struggled financially for much of our marriage. I am in school at the moment, hoping to finish soon so I’m in a better position to help us out. I also have a part-time job, but I don’t make a lot of money. Every week I have to ask Dick for money for gas, groceries, and various things I—and we—need for our household. Not only does Dick insist on maintaining separate bank accounts, but he has a job that requires frequent travel. Sometimes he’s gone for 10 days at a time. Even though I have asked him to, he never leaves any money for me while he’s gone. What do you think of this situation?
Scroll down, find the husband of the woman who was complaining to me about paying the bills while her husband went to school, break up their marriage, and go out with him. The two of you can take your advanced degrees and ride off into the sunset and leave your husband and his wife to count pennies and scowl at each other all day.
Here’s the thing: you and Dick, in theory, got married because you loved each other and wanted to build a life together. It doesn’t seem loving and life-building to take off on an extensive business trip and leave your wife at home with 30 cents and half a bag of Doritos, does it?
I’m lucky I’m not married to a person who believes in separate bank accounts, because he’d be living in the Taj Mahal with our children while I lived in a pup tent out back. I’d have to knock on the back door every morning with my porridge bowl and be all Oliver-like, “Please sir, I want some more!” But some people choose to operate this way, and it’s perfectly fine with me, as long as one person isn’t paying half of a mortgage and then eating doughnuts out of the dumpster behind 7-11 because she can’t afford anything else.
So, what I think of this situation is that Dick has some serious issues with control, with possibly a little bit of “Me Man You Woman Me In Charge” caveman shit going on, and that you need to sit him down and have an honest, calm conversation about why, when he’s obviously making much, much more than you, he doesn’t feel like he has to share, and more importantly, I think, why he doesn’t WANT to share. If you can’t have this conversation because you’re scared, then maybe see if you can get a counselor or pastor or someone to help mediate. You can’t continue to live like this.
In the meantime, though, could you look for another job that might pay a little more?