At what point should one disclose prior plastic surgery to a significant other even if never asked directly? Is it a breach of trust to not volunteer something material like that after a certain amount of time? I am male and have a girlfriend of six months. We are both in our late 20’s or early 30’s. When I was around 13, I had a nose job and some other minor/moderate cosmetic surgery on my face to enhance my appearance (not to correct any medical conditions or injuries, purely cosmetic). The surgery was a huge success and is not readily apparent or visible, nor is the difference necessarily obvious looking at childhood pictures of me.
Right before I met my girlfriend, she had very recently had a nose job and it was one of the first things she volunteered to me since it was still healing and was something notably recent in her life. She never inquired if I ever had plastic surgery and at that point I thought it was way too soon to mention something from so long ago, considering we were just getting to know each other.
Months later, things are starting to get serious, and I am starting to feel slight pangs of guilt over not telling her, but I am uncertain whether this is a breach of trust in our relationship (albeit minor), or if I am entitled to keep this secret? I feel like given the gender differences and the prevalence of such types of surgeries for women in general that her surgery was more commonplace and therefore less embarrassing or socially sensitive, i.e., most/all of her friends know, whereas I am still embarrassed and secretive about my surgery and no one else currently in my life knows except my immediate family.
I feel like if we ever decided to start a family, I would be inclined to share this with her in the spirit of full disclosure about my genetics, but until that point consider it an okay secret to keep. If she ever asked me directly, of course I would be honest about it. Would you feel deceived by omission if you found out about something like this months (or years) into a relationship with your significant other?
I think you should wait until you guys get married and have a baby, and when it’s born and it has a nose like Gonzo, you can just yell, “SURPRISE!”
You’re 30(ish). You had a nose job almost 20 years ago, and you’re still so embarrassed about it that you can’t mention it to your girlfriend even with the full knowledge that she’s also had a nose job and will probably be the most sympathetic about it that a girlfriend could be. Come on, dude. It’s not that big of a deal. I think you should tell her. But I also think you should also stop acting like it’s a deep dark secret in general. You seem like a painfully self-conscious person. (Whose parents let him get a nose job and en eyebrow lift when he’s 13 and not totally deformed? What kind of 13-year-old needs to be enhanced? 13 is the Official Year of Awkward for all children.) I’m sure your girlfriend loves you and won’t care that you had a nose job; I’m also sure that if you explain how uncomfortable and weird you feel about it, she won’t go around bringing it up at cocktail parties or slap a Rhinoplasty Rules! bumper sticker on your car.
If you don’t want to tell her about it, then never tell her. It’s not like you have a grave or freaky genetic disease that you’re passing down. It’s a big nose. If your kids have big noses, she’ll probably just think it was her genes, anyway. Don’t spring it on her later in the relationship; it’s just going to make her wonder what else you were hiding from her.