I’ve been dating “Roy” casually for a few months now. We were introduced by a mutual friend via Facebook and emailed for a couple of months before meeting. We’re talking long, in-depth emails where we asked and answered many of the usual questions you ask when getting to know one another. We met and genuinely liked each other. We see each other approximately once every week or two weeks. It is very platonic at this point — nothing physical is happening.
He owns his own business and works an additional almost full-time job, and has recently moved home to help take care of his parents who are having health issues, so it’s been clear from the start that he doesn’t have much time for dating. He is now expanding his business, quitting the other job and likely relocating several states away for about a year to get the new business up to speed.
Just about the time we were introduced, I was diagnosed with cancer and have had a couple of surgeries, so I’ve been fine with the state of our “relationship” and its limited opportunities to get together. Roy is a very kind, funny, respectful and generous man — he’s been supportive and encouraging throughout what I have been dealing with. He is definitely someone who I would consider dating seriously. We’ve talked before about his limited availability and the fact that it will likely not change and I have been fine with it, in light of what I myself have been dealing with. I am sure you’re probably wondering if he’s married, or something like that, but he’s not. It’s just what I am saying it is.
My question is this: should I continue to see Roy, despite the fact that it appears to be hopeless in terms of a long-term gig? If he were just some jackass I met, I would have already ditched him, but he is a really good person. Ideally, as I am starting to get better, I’d like to spend more time with Roy, for this to become something more serious, which seems impossible. But, I don’t have any other irons in the fire, so to speak, and I do really like Roy. I’m of the opinion that what does it harm to continue on? One never knows what can happen, and I would regret letting the chance to see what comes of all this go. Your thoughts?
One thought: the only things that suck more than cancer are genocide and that band Creed. I hope you’re feeling well.
Another thought: there’s no harm in letting this continue on. You like him; he likes you. It’s not like he tattooed your name on his forehead as a gesture of true love while you’re busy changing your identity, living in a motel, and dyeing your hair an unnatural shade of black in an attempt to disguise yourself and get away from him. You’re both emotionally invested an equal amount; it’s just that the timing happens to suck right now. I think as long as you continue to be honest with each other, and not close yourself off from any other relationships that might develop, you’re fine. He sounds nice. You should stay in touch.
I do wonder about your sanity, though. How, seriously, are you so sane? You’re holding off on a physical relationship! You’re honest with him about your feelings and realistic about the limits on your relationship right now! You claim that if he were a jackass, you would have ditched him! Most people who write to me about their relationships, sadly, have not only not ditched the jackass, but are anxiously trying to figure out how to keep him around for longer. You’re fine. Relax. Take care of yourself and hang out with Roy whenever you damn well please.