My parents stole from me. Do I have to speak to them ever again?

Alright, so I recently discovered that my mom stole my identity and has been running my parents’ business under my name ever since I turned 18. I’m now 22. To make matters worse, she stopped paying taxes for this business roughly four years ago, taxes which are in my name of course.

I became aware of this after all funds in my accounts were cleared and my wages garnished. I was forced to hire an attorney to clear my name and help retrieve my life’s savings. I should also mention that my mom had been opening and keeping my mail for years without my knowledge.

The relationship I’ve had with my parents in the past has been tolerable but this latest situation is horrifying to me. Is it okay to never ever ever speak to them again?

My mom wouldn’t get me a Cabbage Patch Doll, and I’m still pissed at her for it, so I totally feel for you. This is really, really bad. But is it enough to cut your parents out of your life forever? I don’t think so.

If you’ve been abused in any fashion, then I’d say for your mental and physical health that you’re definitely better off without your parents in your life. You said, though, that your relationship has been okay. In this situation, then, I’m imagining your mom as your own personal Bernie Madoff. If you look at this with the most compassionate eye you can muster (believe me, every time I see a Cabbage Patch, I get a pang of anger and hurt that just doesn’t go away with time, so I know how hard it is), it’s possible that your parents told themselves, “We’re just going to open the business in her name, and when we get our act together, we’re going to switch it over.” As time passed, it’s possible that they told themselves, “Yes, we owe money for the taxes, but she won’t even know as long as we pay them back before it gets out of hand.” And then all of a sudden, it was too late, and they had totally screwed you over.

If you regard them with compassion (re: the Cabbage Patch…my mom just wanted me to see that having what everyone else had, and being like everyone else, wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, which is often total bullshit but I appreciate the lesson), you can see them on occasion. I wouldn’t invite them to my home if I were you, and I wouldn’t give them my credit card number and ask them to order some things for me from Amazon, and I would definitely have some alerts put on my credit report and check my FICO score religiously. But I would, with my guard up, forge some kind of relationship with them—one with clear boundaries and on my own terms. I think in the long run, a lifetime of punishing your parents for their mistake will be harder on your soul than meeting them for dinner once in a while.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “My parents stole from me. Do I have to speak to them ever again?

  1. Vanessa

    What a terrible response. Yes it is more then enough to cut them out of your life. If you forgive someone after this kind of slap in the face you deserve and will continue to be walked all over. If not by your parents again but by someone else in your life.

    Take it from me, I gave my “parents” tons of chances with money situations and let things slide. Not only did I lose out on several years of my life and tens of thousands of dollars. But my “father” got increasingly violent the more I let him and his wife treat me that way. Got so ugly this year, the police had to get involved after he threatened to kill me.

    Sure it may not happen this way for you. But you need to look after yourself first.

  2. Anonymous

    Terrible repsonse. A cabbage batch doll is nothing compared to your parents ruining your credit and sending the IRS after you. Cut your parents out and run. Hey, its called tough love. You should file a police report for identity theft and mail tampering- legally at 18 you’re an adult and she had no right to your mail.
    Like the other response said, take care of yourself since its obvious your parents aren’t looking out for you.

  3. Anonymous

    I agree with Vanessa. That response is awful. You should absolutely cut this person out of your life. Since when is a total betrayal of trust not abusive? And by the way… Comparing an identity theft along with blatant lying to your Mom not buying you a Cabage Patch doll? Seriously?

    I’m sorry that your parents have violated your trust so horribly. They have proven that they lack a moral center and can not be trusted. I hate to tell you this but the only way to move forward is move out of denial. If you allow toxic people like this to stay in your life it’s like admitting it is okay for them to treat you like you don’t deserve respect and love. They don’t deserve you. Period.

  4. Dean

    My brother and my parents stole £100k by undervaluing my share of a property. They could be dead right now for all I care. Families are just people some good some bad and then some who would see you in the worst position possibl even dead. By asking this question you already know the answer. If you had their unconditional love you’d have no doubt. Walk away now before it’s too late and keep looking forward. Good luck.

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