My mother-in-law wants to take our turkey on a road trip.

We’re having Thanksgiving at our house, and my mother-in-law, who lives over four hours away, is obsessed with wanting to bring the turkey. She’s mentioned it about ten times, and I’ve told her no ten times. She wants to cook a turkey, put it in the car, and drive it to my house. She won’t let it go. What else can I say? Does my husband have to get involved?

After my husband and I got married, and the photos from that blessed day came back (this was back in 2003 before digital cameras, automobiles, Facebook, and fire were invented), my mother-in-law immediately decided that her son, my husband, was too skinny at our wedding. Instead of sighing and saying, “Oh, well,” and moving on with her life, she came to the more logical conclusion that we should dress up in our wedding attire, go to a church, and get our pictures re-taken after my husband had eaten some doughnuts and filled out a little.Yes, you read that right. She wanted us to re-enact our wedding so she could have pictures of our special day where my husband was a weight that she liked.

Sometimes, mothers-in-law just get ideas into their heads and they can’t be dissuaded for love or money, or logic or the inability to go back in time and get fatter. Our job, as daughters-in-law, is to hear what they’re saying, accept that this is what they want, and then find a way to work it into our lives. If she’s hell-bent on bringing a turkey, let her. Make your own, and tell her you might need two anyway, and then just don’t eat the one filled with salmonella and make sure your husband eats a lot of it so her feelings aren’t hurt. Or ask her to come early, or the night before, so you can spend some time cooking together. Or tell her, “I really love your mashed potatoes, can you make those, instead?”

Or just get pregnant. That’s what I did. I put her off for a year, and then I got pregnant, and then there was no way we were re-taking those photos with a pregnant bride in them.


1 Comment

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One response to “My mother-in-law wants to take our turkey on a road trip.

  1. meg

    I would love to know how this played out. In my mind, the person who hosts clearly is the person who roasts (or deep fries or grills or whatevers) the turkey. How else is the house going to smell like Thanksgiving? If mom-in-law feels empty somehow the day after Thanksgiving, she can drive her 4+ hours back home and reenact the day in her own house. But no control freaking at Thanksgiving dinner. Holidays are stressful enough.

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