I feel intense dislike for my boyfriend’s parents. Okay, fine. I hate them.

My boyfriend’s parents are controlling, patronizing shitheads. They’re delusional and actually think they’re in the right when no one else does, though I’m guessing they’ve never stopped to ask for a second opinion. Any sage advice?

Let’s talk about jean shopping for a minute. What would you do if you were trying on jeans and you found the perfect pair…perfect, that is, in every single way except for huge gaping hole in the crotch? Would you say, “Hey, these jeans have great pockets, they make my ass look amazing, they’re a perfect length for heels AND flip flops, my muffin top isn’t squoozing out over the top, and my thighs aren’t packed into them like a pair of Jimmy Deans, so I’m just going to ignore the fact that there’s no crotch and buy them anyway!”? I bet you wouldn’t. You would probably think, “It’s too bad there’s one horrible flaw to these otherwise perfect pants. Otherwise, I would totally buy them.”

Or you maybe would think, “These jeans are so incredibly perfect that I’m willing to make the effort to sew a little crotch patch into them, or perhaps I’ll just get used to having a cool breeze on my labial area. That’s how great they are…I’m going to learn to live with them.” I think, if you were to go this route, you really would have to explore all your other options for all the other jeans out there, because you’re going to have to wear them for a long, long, long time, and that crotch hole is never going to completely go away.

(Do you understand what I’m saying? Your boyfriend is the jeans. His parents are the gaping crotch hole. He better be really, really, really super worth it.)

1 Comment

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One response to “I feel intense dislike for my boyfriend’s parents. Okay, fine. I hate them.

  1. Anonymous

    Apparently they know something about you, that you don’t.

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