I lied to my roommate and now he might kick me out.

I’m a 20-something living in a great apartment complex the past two years, where the neighbors are all nice and young and know each other. My living situation is awesome and I try to be a great roommate–I am not messy, I do the dishes, I don’t fight or act passive aggressive with my roommates, I am extremely quiet, and really strive to be the ideal roommate in every regard. I have a professional 9-5 job and pay my bills.

Despite this, there is one rule I have broken twice, and I fear I’ll be kicked out of my apartment because of it: one of my roommates (who manages the relationship with the landlord) has caught me using marijuana in my bedroom on two occasions, and he is strictly anti-drug. I use marijuana to help me sleep and ease my anxiety, things that I’ve struggled with my whole life, and I’ve recently found it to be far more effective than the multitude of negative side effects that I experience with prescription anxiety and sleeping pills. The first time I was caught was a few months ago, and I was stupid about it. I thought that despite using a small portable vaporizer there would be no scent. He came to my bedroom and told me he could smell it and this was my warning. I apologized and told him I’d stop.

That was a lie. The other night after a particularly stressful day and anticipated sleeping problems, I decided I’d take the risk to vaporize again, and he came to my room about an hour later to inform me that he knew what was going on, and that he “couldn’t breathe” from the smoke (there was no smoke because it was a vaporizer, but he does not have any experience with pot). His eyes were watery and he told me we need to have an important meeting about this next week.

I justified the lie in my head by thinking that because it is otherwise a party house, no one seems to mind drinking or making noise, and because pot is generally so harmless and becoming increasingly socially accepted. But clearly it is a problem and my roommate has every right to live in a drug-free environment if he wishes. I suspect he is going to ask me to move out of the apartment. How can I convince him to let me stay?

You make a very compelling case here; if I didn’t already live with a bunch of guys, I would totally ask you to be my roommate. You haven’t mentioned if your name is on the lease or not, but if it is, you could definitely be like, Screw you! and fire up your vaporizer again. He can’t legally kick you out, I don’t think. But you did tell him you don’t do drugs and wouldn’t do drugs in the apartment, and it’s possible that he’s in the FBI or works at an elementary school or something that requires him to be far, far away from any illegal substances, and you should respect that.

It is worth a shot to stay, though, so you better beg and plead and promise you’ll never vaporize again, and maybe tell him how you used to take Ambien but it made you crazy at night and one time you took some and in a sleep-walking haze poured maple syrup all over a former roommate and then peed on him, so you’d really rather try something natural instead of chemical.

If he still kicks you out, then I’d start asking around this Melrose Place that you live in and see if anyone else has a room available, or if there’s an empty apartment that you could rent yourself and find some roommates for yourself who are vaporizer-friendly.

I’d like to point out that this problem could have been completely avoided if you took melatonin pills or went for a nice long run when you were feeling stressed. Or if you made pot brownies.

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