The guy I’m sleeping with slept with my mom.

I just found out that the older married man I’ve been having an on-off again affair with for the last ten years (the last year very regularly) also had an affair with my mother (now deceased) thirty years ago. I’m shocked. I don’t know whether to say anything to him or not–she took this secret to her grave, I almost say I should leave it there.

It’s interesting to me that you’ve been having an affair with a married man for so long, and that your mother was also the sort of gal who would have an affair. It’s actually more interesting to me than the fact that you and your mother were with the same guy, which is actually more disgusting than interesting, and makes me feel like I need to wash my brain out with peroxide and some Monistat.

There are a lot of details missing here, but I think what you’re asking is if you should let this man know that he also slept with your mother, and I think you should not. It’s neither here nor there. It serves no purpose. I do think it’s sort of bizarre that you’ve been sleeping with him for ten years and he doesn’t know your mother’s name. Do you not ever talk to each other?

Which leads me to my next point.

Stop having an affair with a married man. Let’s forget about all the other reasons why you shouldn’t (he’s married, he’s married, he’s married) and focus on this: why do you feel like you don’t deserve a real relationship with someone who is present for you in every way? (I can hazard a guess…it might have something to do with your mother…just throwing it out there…) Why do you feel like you need to settle for someone who is unavailable and morally bankrupt and has no respect for women? Why don’t you go see a therapist and see why you found out that your “boyfriend” slept with your mother and that doesn’t gross you out enough to stop seeing him? Just give it a try. Can’t hurt. Might help.


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3 responses to “The guy I’m sleeping with slept with my mom.

  1. Michelle

    To clarify- he does know my mothers name. My mother is how I know him-I’ve known him for most of my life. They were friends for a long time- he served as a pall bearer at her funeral. It was after she passed that he and I got close. From the information I gathered, the thing with my mother was something that went on, short term, when I was a child. My mother was a single parent in the late 70s- early 80s. Things were different then. I’m not trying to make any excuses for anyone’s behavior- but these are facts. My mother eventually remarried before I became a teen, and it was a very healthy, monogamous (sp?) relationship until the day she died. So, to clear up your misconception (due to my lack of info), YES, he knew her name. He was a loyal friend to her for many years thereafter their short term fling.

    • Michelle

      And the question was, illy stated, should I let him know that I know about this? And no, my mother wasn’t some loose floozy of a woman that had a string of I’ll reputed bad relationships, or gave me the moral compass that led me to this man. Hence- the reason I am so flabbergasted at the information. I’m not even going to try and justify our relationship- I know it’s wrong. I’m not going to try and convince anyone he is a wonderful man- bottom line, yes, hes a cheater. But, if he did not give me everything I need I wouldn’t continue with him. He has his reasons, and I have mine. Doesn’t make it right- but it is what it is . 🙂

  2. Chea

    I didn’t mean to talk smack about your dead mom!

    So, he knows he slept with your mom, right? And after all this time, it never occurred to him to mention it to you. If you bring it up, it’s going to go something like this:

    Hey, I just found out that you had an affair with my mom.

    Yeah, I did. I didn’t tell you because blah blah blah blah.

    Well, I wish you had told me.


    I’m just not sure what you want out of the conversation, and frankly I think the fact that he didn’t tell you about it ten years ago and give you the choice to be with someone who had been with your mother or forego that weird, icky situation is even further proof that, whatever your reasons, you can, and should, do better.

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