My boyfriend is getting too possessive. It’s scary.

I have been dating a guy for about a year. He has started becoming possesive and jealous and acting crazy about me having a life outside of our relationship. For example, we usually hang out on Friday and Saturday nights, but one recent Saturday night my good friend had a birthday get together girls night out dinner, and I wanted to go, but he emailed me with messages like, “If you’re seeing someone else I will flip out so bad that you will regret ever even looking at this new guy.” After this I said I wanted to slow things down because we were getting too serious and he said, “No, we can’t slow things down a bit because I’m in love with you and we’re going to be together for life…you are mine now and nothing will change that!” I am torn between telling him to f-off or calling the cops or just being afraid of him and staying with him because I’m afraid. Not sure what to do…I’ve never been in this situation.

This is abuse, and it’s very serious. This isn’t a safe or healthy situation for you, and you most definitely can not, under any circumstances, stay with him because you’re afraid of him. He’s clearly threatened you with violence, so I don’t think telling him off is the best way to go, either. You don’t know what he would do. I think you should save all texts, emails, phone records, and phone messages, and go to the police. They’re obligated to listen to you and to let you submit a report.

I would break off contact with him slowly but surely, not making any drastic moves, and not giving him any cause to get angry. The police can probably give you good advice about this, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. Don’t underestimate the gravity of this situation; I’m not kidding at all when I say you should probably think about moving, and when you do, change your phone number. Just don’t stay with him. People don’t behave better over time, and abusive behavior only escalates.

1 Comment

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One response to “My boyfriend is getting too possessive. It’s scary.

  1. Anonymous

    Just to chime in here … I would definitely remove yourself from this situation because it’s sounding pretty scary. Having experienced a similar situation, I can tell you that it isn’t easy and that he will make it tougher if he knows things like your daily routine, where you live, etc. because he will show up there or be waiting for you. Try not to get him worked up or angry because it probably won’t go well if you do. Keep communication short and to the point. Save every communication, use your friends and family right now for support – that’s what they are there for – and go to the police if you are scared. Good luck, you are in my thoughts.

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