I tooted at work and someone heard me.

I work in a dentist’s office. I ate a roll of Mentos Mints today and got terrible gas at work. I had to go downstairs in the storage area to let it off. It was a long, loud fart and it didn’t stop for a long time. When I went to go back upstairs, there was one of the doctors, standing in the kitchen doorway, laughing. I ran so fast upstairs and told my friend and coworker Candy what happened, and she laughed so loudly I had to shush her. I came home early today because I couldn’t face him. What do I do? Apologize or excuse it later, or pretend it was me pushing a box across the room? I need advice…I don’t want to get fired.

As a person who has never, ever passed gas, I’m unable to answer this question from personal experience. I do have a friend, though, who has had two painfully excruciating experiences with accidental public gas-passing, one of which involved a CCD class which my–I mean her–father was teaching, and she was in high school and there were boys in the class who told everyone in the entire school, and then 9,000,000 people knew about it, and it was possibly the worst moment of her life. I do believe she changed her name and moved to Kansas. The other time, it involved some college hockey players, the sorority dining room at formal dinnertime, and I think that time my friend just disintegrated on the spot, leaving a little pile of dust on her chair. It was very sad.

I don’t think you can get fired for passing gas; in a medical office, even one involving teeth, one would think that bodily functions would be at least tolerated, if not embraced! I think in this situation, you have two options. The first is to hold your head high, pretend it never happened, and move on with your life. Be audacious: look the doctor in the eye with boldness and confidence. And if Candy ever brings it up again, pretend like you have no idea what she’s talking about. The second option is to make a joke out of it, own it, and buy whoopee cushions for everyone in your office. 

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