Tag Archives: friend

My friend steals stuff.

I went out to dinner with a group of friends last week. After I got home, one of those friends called and said, “Kate stole the tip. I saw her.” There were a lot of us, and it was a really big tip at a nice restaurant. It makes me mad that not only did she steal from the waitress, she also really stole from her friends! If she needed the money, I would loan it to her, but I don’t think she does need it. I think she’s a klepto.

One other time I went out to lunch with Kate and the waitress chased us down the street to confront us about not leaving her a tip;  I insisted that we had, and said maybe someone took it, because I had definitely left 20%. Now I’m thinking it was probably Kate! Do I do something about this, and if so, WHAT?

You’re lucky–it’s so nice and refreshing when a friend’s mental illness is right out there in the open. Sometimes I’m suspicious of those sneaky friends who don’t gossip, make muffins when you’re sick, water your ficus when you’re out of town, and take you out for martinis on your birthday. There’s just something weird about someone so normal.

Kate, on the other hand, is easy. She has a clearly defined mental illness that’s easy to address, at least on your part, because it’s so concrete and easily brought up. There’s no value judgment involved because there’s no dispute that stealing the tip is wrong. Don’t ambush her, Candid Camera-style, and try to catch her stealing a tip (although that might be fun), just bring it up some time when the two of you are together and relaxed. Suggest that she seek help, like therapy or a support group, and present it like you’re trying to help her, not like you’re angry or upset or think she’s a shitty person.

And don’t do it over lunch.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Ah, weddings.

My best friend is getting married at the end of June and I’m the maid of honor. She lives an airplane ride away so we do A LOT of talking on the phone. I just had to increase my minutes! These calls are not of blissful anxiety or excitement. She is stressed, sleep deprived, and making me a little nutty. It’s the in-laws, who I agree after meeting them are not the greatest. The mother-in-law thinks she is losing her little boy and very resentful. The sister-in-law, well, I’m not sure I even I have a comment. The man she is going to marry is wonderful and 40. His side of the family has not even RSVP’d for the wedding.

I am running out of sympathy and comfort. What should I say now as the remaining weeks linger?
PS. I am not married nor to I want to be at this time.

This is what you say:

“Get a freaking grip, Judy! The problem with your in-laws isn’t going to go away once the wedding is over. It’s going to get worse. Much, much worse, because they’re going to get comfortable and take liberties you never imagined they would. So it’s best to learn how to deal with these people now, or else you’re going to have a lifetime of misery. I can’t afford to keep this up forever, so start keeping a journal and call me every Saturday evening from 6-8 and read me your entire week’s worth of complaints.

Also, Judy, try talking to your husband about these issues instead of me. And by the way, I don’t look good in purple sequins, so can we talk about the bridesmaid dress when you get a minute?”

(You could also just not answer your phone.)

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized