Tag Archives: love

How important, really, is honesty?

My boyfriend gave me some beautiful, expensive earrings as a birthday gift. I lost one almost immediately, and now he thinks I don’t like them because I never wear them. If I tell him I lost one, he’ll be annoying about it. He won’t be mad at me, necessarily, but he’s a nagging person in general and I just don’t want to listen to him complain about it. Is it wrong to just buy another pair and pretend the whole thing never happened?

If you can buy a new pair without having to eat Ramen for six months, go for it.

Your boyfriend is going to take it personally that you lost an earring, rather than see the bigger picture and accept the fact that sometimes, a girl’s head can get stuck in her sweater while she’s taking it off in a restaurant, she can flail around for a few minutes trying to get it off, and in the process, lose an earring. Not that this has ever happened to me, but I’ve heard that it happens.

Honesty is of the utmost importance in a relationship, unless being honest gains you nothing but six months of nagging, guilt, and comments like, “You look great tonight…too bad you don’t have any expensive diamond earrings to wear with that dress.”

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Work is fun because I meet boys there!

“Bob” and I dated for a while, and now “Tom” and I are dating. The breakup with Bob was mutual; Tom and I are having a great time getting to know each other. The problem is that we all work together, and I think Bob is starting to have some bad feelings about me dating Tom. I don’t know if he’s jealous, or territorial, or what, but I do like him and want him to be happy. Should I have said something to Bob before Tom and I made our relationship public? Did I breach some protocol here?

You’re allowed to date any man you please, but that’s not the problem here.

Stop dating people from work. I’m all for office romances; they’ve produced some of the most delightful couples I know. But your office isn’t your own personal dating service; the break room isn’t a pickup joint. I know it’s not fair, and it’s not right, and it shouldn’t be this way, but a woman taking the part of the company Casanova is not going to do the same things for your career that it might for a guy. It’s easy to get another boyfriend, but not so much another job.

Your private life is your business, but the minute you start skipping through the office halls holding hands with the second guy as many weeks, you might want to reconsider. If you think Tom is the love of your life, then fine, go for it. Don’t worry, Bob will get over it. But if it doesn’t work out, no more fishing in the company pond. No more.

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I sort of told my parents all kinds of horrible stuff about my wife.

My wife and I recently went through a difficult period in our marriage, and I leaned heavily on my parents for support. We’ve since worked through our problems, but I told my parents some things about my wife that I probably shouldn’t have, and now they’re cold to her, more critical than they used to be, and constantly questioning me about what’s going on in our lives. While I’m appreciative of their loyalty and the fact that they were there for me when I needed them, now I’m wondering if I didn’t make a mistake. Can I correct this somehow?

You’re wondering if you made a mistake. Um, yes! Yes, you did!

What’s wrong with you?

I see no problem with leaning on your family in hard times, and asking them for emotional support. But I’m guessing you did more than that. I’m guessing you called your mom crying on a Friday night after you discovered that Judy’s new job was not, in fact, managing a Friendly’s, but working as a lap dancer at Friendly’s Strip Club and Naked Disco.

It’s possible, you know, to mention that things are a little rocky without actually giving all the details. I’m sure your parents want you to be happy, but I’m also fairly sure they don’t want to know that the weekend everyone thought your wife was on a yoga retreat, she had actually run off to Puerto Rico with her sister’s husband.

From now on, keep your mouth shut. When your parents say disparaging things about Judy, be polite but make sure they know how much you love and respect your wife and how you’re really focusing on the positive now, and not dwelling on the past. Tell them often and enthusiastically how great she is, and mention a lot how she reads to the blind, delivers meals on wheels to shut-ins, and tutors homeless children after school.

And for Christ’s sake, keep your trap shut from now on.

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