Tag Archives: marriage

How do I get my wife to pay attention to me?

My wife pays no attention to me. She goes to work, comes home, plays with the kids, puts them to bed, takes a shower, then watches her TV shows, then goes to bed. I feel like I’m her assistant, or her roommate. I feel so angry and resentful that I worry our relationship won’t be able to recover.What can I do to get her to spend time with me?

Join a biker gang. Grow a strange-shaped beard, wear a bandanna over your hair, get some tats, and start wearing leather pants. When she’s zonked out in front of John and Kate Plus 8, put on your gear, grab your brain bucket with flames painted on the side, and say, “Bye, honey, I’m going cane it on the big slab with the guys. See you later.” (Who knew bikers had such fun lingo!?)

She will, at the very least, take notice of you. As my four-year-old can tell you, getting negative attention is better than getting no attention at all, and acting like a jackass maniac is a great way to do it. She probably won’t be too psyched about your new nocturnal activities and will strongly urge you to quit the biker gang. Tell her you’ll stop as long as she starts hanging out with you again.

One other possibility is that she doesn’t want to hang out with you because she doesn’t like you and doesn’t like spending time with you. In this case, get marriage counseling.

See also: https://tochea.com/2009/08/17/his-wife-wont-pay-attention-to-him-either-i-wonder-why/, or http://wp.me/puM8T-bw.

And see this, too: https://tochea.com/2010/11/17/my-wife-doesnt-pay-attention-to-me-for-the-third-time-holy-moly/


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Lalalalalalalalala I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

I am not a prude, but we are friends with a couple who say the most inappropriate things. I can appreciate a raunchy comment but this is out of line; they make jokes about stuff that makes me feel uncomfortable. The wife shares details about their sex life with me and talks about things I really don’t want to know about. They are nice, cool people and are fun to hang out with otherwise, but since I’m too embarrassed to hear the jokes and comments, I’m way too embarrassed to ask them to stop making them.

You have two options:

1. Try to make them uncomfortable. This is going to take a lot of courage, medication, or liquor on your part, since you’re squeamish to begin with. The next time they start sharing intimate details of their chandelier-swinging sex escapades, ask questions. Be super interested. You put that thing where? Can you repeat that louder, please? Wait, how many times did he do that? Is that it? Have you ever considered using WD40 and a chimpanzee? Eventually, they’re going to get weirded out. They want to shock you, and when they stop doing that, the sexytime chit-chat is going to lose its allure.

2. Blank stare and silence. No polite giggling, no Oh-my-God-I-can’t-believe-you-just-said-that. Nothing. Stone-faced silence.

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My husband is great as long as he doesn’t come within 200 yards of my body.

My husband and I rarely have sex (or other intimacy). The reason is that I can no longer make myself enjoy it with him. He is clumsy and awkward and I just can not get turned on without tuning him out completely. I wind up having sex long before I’m ready and then it’s not enjoyable, resulting in an even lower desire to have sex. It’s a horrible cycle. Aside from this, we have a great relationship, really. I used to love sex and really thought over the years I could change him. It’s been many many years.

“Aside from this, we have a great relationship, really.” Somehow, I doubt that.

“I can no longer make myself enjoy it.” Like, you used to be able to force yourself to enjoy it? That’s so romantic.

All this isn’t his fault, you know. Either you have some sort of hormone imbalance (go ask your doctor about it; don’t be shy, it can totally be fixed), or you’re completely not into your husband, in which case I suggest you be honest with yourself, and with him, and discuss what’s really going on in your marriage.

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I don’t need to be married to a taxi driver.

My wife thinks I should drop her off and pick her up at the airport, and insists on bringing me and picking me up when I go on trips. It seems slightly ridiculous to me, especially since it’s usually more of a hassle to drive than it is to take a taxi. She knows how I feel but insists on going to the airport with me even after I’ve told her I don’t want her to. You’d think she’d at least let me travel on my own, even though I’m willing to do what she wants when she travels. She’s the one who’s being a pain in the ass here, right?

Well, yes, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t indulge her. Unless she’s making you late for your flights or insisting that on the entire way to the aiport she must serenade you with an a capella version of “Leaving on a Jet Plane,” I don’t know why it bugs you so much.

She’s being nice. She’s showing you how much she loves you and is going to miss you. Clingy? Yes. Sweet? Yes to that, too.

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I’m lazy and my husband is very, very busy.

My husband plays with our son for hours on the beach.  He plays with him so much that my son does not want to play with me (I have NO problems with this). I read and watch them play. Both appear as happy as clams. Sometimes I am sure my husband is having more fun. We got home today and got in an argument about him changing the light bulb ( I cannot reach it) that has been out in my closet for over a week now. He was not prepared to change it for me. Required too much effort. He yelled,”I’m not the one who sits on my ass at the beach all day, every day we go to the beach.”

I like sitting on my ass at the beach…what do I do now?

First of all, accept the fact that changing a light bulb is exhausting, especially after a long day of frolicking in the sun. You should have let him take a long nap and then asked. You also should have offered to do some kind of sexual favor afterward just to let him know how much you appreciate the time it took to change that light bulb.

It sounds to me like your husband is one of those Even Steven types of people…he sees playing with your son as a responsibility, which, no matter how much fun it is, is still something he’s obligated to do. So when you go to the beach, from now on bring some work with you. Perhaps you can bring the silver and some polish, and get that nasty chore out of the way while you sit your ass in your chair. Or you could bring some Woolite and a basin, and do the hand washing; or a cooler, a knife, and a cutting board, and cut up the chicken for tonight’s stir fry.

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