I’m in the midst of planning my wedding. I’m 25, and my mother is getting VERY emotional about the whole thing. Her latest obsession is that we have something in our ceremony that “connects” our wedding to hers, like a special song or the same reading. I’ve already said I don’t want to wear her veil (my sister wouldn’t do it at her wedding, either) so I think she’s trying to come up with something else to remind her of her wedding. Is this a tradition that I just haven’t heard of? It seems weird to me and I’m not sure I want to do it.
Oh, come on. Don’t be like that. All your mom wants is to feel like she’s part of your special day.
She also wants to wear a long white dress to your wedding, possibly march up the aisle before you do, give your husband a big smooch on the lips, and have her own special mother-in-law cake that’s bigger than yours and has twice as many frosting roses. Maybe at the reception you and your husband can sit down and enjoy your Beef Wellington while your mom and dad twirl around the dance floor to “At Last.”
Whatever her reasons, your mom is trying to make this about her, and we all know it’s not. Maybe, though, you could help the poor girl out. Stop being all power-struggle-y and let her have her reading or song. Take a chunk of her veil and sew it to yours. Tell her how much it means to you, give her a big hug and a kiss, and stop making her beg to be treated like she’s special. She is special. She’s your mom! She’s a little pushy and annoying, but she’s your mom.
My mother and my sister get into these huge fights, and then both call me to complain about each other. I hate being stuck in the middle. In the course of being supportive, I inevitably end up saying something I shouldn’t. Like the other day, I was talking to my sister, she was complaining about my mother saying something condescending about her job, I let it spill that our mom thought she never should have gone to law school in the first place, and then all hell broke loose. Now my mom is mad at me for betraying her confidence, my sister is mad at my mom for not supporting her, and I feel terrible.
If you can do a better job of keeping your trap shut, this is a pretty good position to be in. They’re mad at each other, which means neither is mad at you, which is always good. Plus, you can learn some valuable information that might help you later, should blackmail or extortion be necessary.
Either they’re using you as a pawn in their silly arguments, by telling you things they know you’ll repeat, (like your mom telling you she thinks your sister’s career choice is a poor one? I think she just didn’t have the guts to tell your sister herself and knew you’d do it for her) or they’re just blowing off steam. In either case, just listen. No response. No, “Oh my God, she’s such a bitch, remember that one time when I was eight and she grounded me for spitting in her coffee?” and no “I know, she is a terrible lawyer. Did you know her law school is suing her for ruining their reputation?”
Just listen. No more talking.
My mother is always making passive-aggressive comments about my weight. How can I get her to stop?
You can’t. She can’t help herself. You’re too fat. Also, get your hair out of your eyes and please tell me you’re not wearing that out of the house. Go back and change. And wear a girdle.
I feel like now that we have children, my mother-in-law should let us have Mother’s Day alone, to celebrate the fact that I’m a mother. I’m sick of sharing but my husband won’t tell her we’re going to have brunch just as a family. Shouldn’t he tell his mom we’re going to celebrate her Mother’s Day on Saturday?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No. It’s kind of cute, really, that you think that’s possible. Did you just get married yesterday?
I just found out I’m pregnant and am trying to think of a fun way to let my husband and our families know. Do you have any suggestions?
Yes. Say, “I’m pregnant.”
It’s news enough. No need to rent the Goodyear blimp to broadcast it, or print M&Ms that say, “Julie’s Knocked Up!” or put a package of hamburger buns in the oven, point frantically, and wait around for three hours while everyone tries to figure out what the hell you’re doing.
I’m dizzy thinking of all the attention-whoring you’re going to be doing for the next 40 weeks. I have to go lie down.