Tag Archives: sex

Lalalalalalalalala I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

I am not a prude, but we are friends with a couple who say the most inappropriate things. I can appreciate a raunchy comment but this is out of line; they make jokes about stuff that makes me feel uncomfortable. The wife shares details about their sex life with me and talks about things I really don’t want to know about. They are nice, cool people and are fun to hang out with otherwise, but since I’m too embarrassed to hear the jokes and comments, I’m way too embarrassed to ask them to stop making them.

You have two options:

1. Try to make them uncomfortable. This is going to take a lot of courage, medication, or liquor on your part, since you’re squeamish to begin with. The next time they start sharing intimate details of their chandelier-swinging sex escapades, ask questions. Be super interested. You put that thing where? Can you repeat that louder, please? Wait, how many times did he do that? Is that it? Have you ever considered using WD40 and a chimpanzee? Eventually, they’re going to get weirded out. They want to shock you, and when they stop doing that, the sexytime chit-chat is going to lose its allure.

2. Blank stare and silence. No polite giggling, no Oh-my-God-I-can’t-believe-you-just-said-that. Nothing. Stone-faced silence.

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My husband is great as long as he doesn’t come within 200 yards of my body.

My husband and I rarely have sex (or other intimacy). The reason is that I can no longer make myself enjoy it with him. He is clumsy and awkward and I just can not get turned on without tuning him out completely. I wind up having sex long before I’m ready and then it’s not enjoyable, resulting in an even lower desire to have sex. It’s a horrible cycle. Aside from this, we have a great relationship, really. I used to love sex and really thought over the years I could change him. It’s been many many years.

“Aside from this, we have a great relationship, really.” Somehow, I doubt that.

“I can no longer make myself enjoy it.” Like, you used to be able to force yourself to enjoy it? That’s so romantic.

All this isn’t his fault, you know. Either you have some sort of hormone imbalance (go ask your doctor about it; don’t be shy, it can totally be fixed), or you’re completely not into your husband, in which case I suggest you be honest with yourself, and with him, and discuss what’s really going on in your marriage.

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